the end of the Beast

After a drunken evening of confessing our feelings for each other last week, things with the Beast went down hill but in a really strange way. I'm not getting into details there since those who need to know already do. So yesterday I did the equivalent of breaking up with him. I guess you can't really break up with someone who you were never with to begin with, but we mutually decided that to avoid all drama, we need to stop messing around. So there it is. The end of the Beast's involvement in my sex life despite our lack of actual sex. It's weird. I know that doing the right thing is good and all, but it sucks. There's just so much potential for a lot of bad to come of this situation that included losing one of my very few best friends, and quite frankly I'm not in the market for a new best friend at this point in my life. I'm not ready for the heartache that would surely come if I kept things going with the Beast physically since our feelings had been brought to the table. Neither of us want a relationship and at the point where we were at, I wouldn't have been able to stop my emotions from building even stronger had we continued to be bedmates. I won't be seeing him or my gay boyfriend for a few days since they're heading to Atlanta today and I've got stuff going on through next week. It'll be good for me, and I know it was the right thing to do. It's not like he's disappearing from my life entirely since I'm over there all the damn time and there have definitely been times where it feels like I'm an extra roommate for them. But there will be no more nights messing around for hours before falling asleep.

That's about it in major news recently. Haven't seen the Italian Guy for a week or so but he called last night to hang out. I already had plans with a friend from my high school days, so there was no fantastic sex with the Italian last night. Instead there was funny conversation and Steak n Shake with a guy who lived around the corner from me for most of my grade school years. It's been a week since the actual potential real interest in my life left for the other side of the world. You know when you like someone and you forget what they look like? Yea, that doesn't happen because the internet exists, but if it didn't the only part of him that I can seem to bring to mind is his smile. I love smiles. Smiles make me weak. Gah. I'm not going to lie. I actually miss this guy. So weird. I've still got 2 more weeks before I even have the chance of his number showing up on my phone. That's damn annoying.

I guess the benefit of my "breaking up" with the Beast brought me to realize that I'm finally at a point where I'm ready for a relationship. I haven't been since the whole breakup with the Younger Guy. And honestly, I wasn't ready for a relationship for most of the time I was actually with the Younger Guy. However, I'm not ready for a relationship with just anyone and I'm obviously not going out of my way to get one...I'm having way too much fun dating and having fun with people but if I meet someone and it feels right, I'm not going to say no to one just because I'm too busy having fun and dating around.

So that's about it really. Time to go back to studying. Ugh.