I am a sexual person. I am not a beautiful person. There is a difference, which most people don't realize. I'm the kind of girl that until you know me, you probably won't find me nearly as attractive as so many other girls out there, but I've got the sexuality in my personality that makes me able to do just as well as any girl out there twice as hot as me. This is a power. I like power. Sexuality is power...at least to me. See, when it comes down to it, I'm not a sub, a dom or a switch. I am a lover of affection/attention/power. And I very much so use this to my advantage. See, what some people think is that my life is one big act. The idea that webcam Sydney is any different than Sydney hanging out with her friends, is so far from the truth that I can actually giggle at it. Why do I bring this up?
Well. Because tonight while I was out with my gay bff at his friend's house, I got to play with my power. Now my first super power is foremost the ability to get people comfortable with me. Very comfortable. I don't know people who feel awkward around me for the most part unless there is drama/tension for some other reason. But, following the ability to make people comfortable around me is the super power to get people naked. I can be completely sober or completely trashed and manage to get a group of people naked. I do not fail at this almost ever. So, tonight when I'm out with the gay bff at his friend's place, not only am I nearly naked, but the four guys I'm surrounded by at the time were also all down to their boxers. One of them was very awkwardly begging me to take off my bra but that's basically why I kept my bra on (ugh!). This is where I think my sexuality came in. I was not attracted to any of the four guys...one being my gay bff, another being gay, one being bi and the other being straight. However my lack of attraction to either bi boy or straight weirdo had little to do with whether or not I would tease.
Guys, here's a big secret for you. Girls like to tease. It's attention and it feels good. However, you decide how much power you let us have over you...most of the time. We had all been drinking, so guys having any control over my teasing them was out of the question. Bi boy tried, but well. He failed. Because I kept teasing him. Now, this is where my being a more sexual than beautiful girl came into play. I looked like shit. I had my hair pulled back into a horrible windy mess, I hadn't shaved my pits for a few days, my legs needed shaving and since I hadn't gotten any recently (or at least anything planned), I needed to do a little trimming of the bush. However, even with all these things that made me look and feel a lot less beautiful/sexy as normal, I teased bi boy for all it was worth. I bent over in my thong with the bow above the butt, I leaned over so he'd get the epic tits right at eye level, I said things in a certain way just because I could.
I love the feeling of someone being attracted to me. But, what I love more is when they try to be shy and somewhat gentlemanly about it. Straight boy failed at that, but bi boy was fun. He kept begging me to put my clothes back on because he was attracted to me and didn't want me to be uncomfortable on top of him being uncomfortable (and he is currently heading in the direction of possibly being in a relationship. not there yet, so I felt no pains about teasing). I couldn't stop though. Even when I left their place, I bent over nice and slow while pulling on my pants. I played the card because I can and it was fun. Would I sleep with this kid? No. We established that early on before either of us were drunk. But is it fun to tease to the point of him admitting that my nearly nakedness makes him uncomfortable because he's attracted to me? Yes.
Don't like a tease? I don't care. It's fun. It's a hustle. I like to hustle. I like to tease. I like to flirt. It's fun for me. But I don't sugar coat and make you think that you're actually going to have a chance when you clearly do not. so, as a closing reminder, guys, make sure you're sticking your dick in someone truly willing, not some drunk girl whose either passed out or too drunk to make a conscious decision. Cause if you do either of those, you're scum, and far too pathetic to ever get a tease or a please from me. Just saying.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
etiquette, and the lack thereof
Etiquette has never really been a problem for me. That was, until I joined Facebook. Facebook has proven to be full of socially awkward losers who think that it is ok to email me more than once before getting a response from me and people who think they're privileged enough to get things from me for free. It isn't just that, but we're going to start there for Sydney Scream's Lesson in Internet Etiquette. Guys, you may want to take notes because chances are, you fall into one of these categories/annoying behaviors.
1. Emailing someone multiple times before getting a response. Do not do this. Especially do not do this if you're opening multiple email/message threads on facebook. I am one person. I do not have an agent or friend helping me read and answer emails. I answer them. I read them. So when you feel that it is necessary to write me one message that says "Do you have msn?" and then ANOTHER message all of 60 seconds later asking me for my msn (which I do not have), stop and think. THINK people. It isn't rocket science. Seriously, if I did have msn, wouldn't it be a logical response to your first question for me to tell you my info? Yea. It would be. So to send me a completely redundant email is not only 1-annoying as hell but 2-unnecessary by all standards.
2. Asking for free pictures/webcam sessions/etc. I do not give away freebies to people I do not know and love. What does that mean? Well, take my myspace friendship with G. G and I send emails back and forth. We talk. We're friends. So as a friend, do I send him pictures of me that normally others would have to pay for? Yea. I do. He's seen my tits for free. He's seen my feet for free. He sends me pictures of lovely ladies in exchange, but even if he didn't, he treats me like a human being. On top of which, freebies do not really exist in this world. You would like to think they exist because of things like "Buy one get one free!" but really, you had to BUY something to GET something FREE. In case you haven't noticed, this is not just about having fun for me. Yea, I have a lot of fun doing what I do, however this is also my job. So if you have not treated me like a real human being/friend and then ask me for free things, of course I'm going to be a bitch because you're pathetic and obviously do not deserve to get anything from me. Besides, there is enough naked Sydney on the web for free or for a small fee to pay that you should just do your research rather than wasting my time.
3. Like OMG! You have my screenname! Holy shit! What now?? I am not online all the time. And when I am, that does not mean you can expect me to want to devote all of my attention to you, unless you happen to be a paying customer. Having my screenname is a privilege, not a right. I have a life. I have friends. I go to school. I do not want to spend my life sitting in front of a computer talking to ugly losers who can't meet girls in real life (side note, no you may not meet me in real life, unless again you are a paying customer whose booked a session).
4. No, I do not want to be your girlfriend, nor do I want to marry you. Stop asking. You'll never have me. And I already know that if at the time I do have a boyfriend, he is the luckiest guy on the face of the planet, but thanks for the reminder.
5. If your memory is too poor to remember that you've emailed me that question more than once, stop while you're ahead. Do not email me the exact same question more than once. If I do not answer you, it's because your question is either rude, offensive, inappropriate, unnecessary, or plain and simple, I do not want to answer it. Emailing the same question multiple times is more likely to get you a rude, cruel hearted reply, to which you will inevitably reply something along the lines of "fine, you stupid ugly slut. go make XXX videos with some ugly fat dudes for $1/minute on clips4sale because you aren't hot enough to make it in the porn world." To which, you will not get a reply because I do not do X or XXX rated things. And because I have standards with the men I sleep with and none of them are fat and ugly.
6. Can you send me videos of you getting off? No. There is one person in the whole world who has videos of me doing that. And he's special. On top of which, I wouldn't send them to you for free to begin with. Why? Please refer to #2 for your answer.
7. So, you booked a session. Now what? I don't fuck clients. I kick them in the balls, shove my feet in their faces, yell at them, degrade them, humiliate them, trample them, make them suck on my toes, tickle them, etc. I will not touch your man junk unless I'm kicking it. And you will not touch my boobs, ass or vag unless you want me to take the rest of the money you owe me, and leave without the rest of your session continuing, but only after a swift kick in the balls/ass and a punch in the gut/face or a nice spray of mace all up in your face.
I may continue this list later, but for now, this will do. :)
1. Emailing someone multiple times before getting a response. Do not do this. Especially do not do this if you're opening multiple email/message threads on facebook. I am one person. I do not have an agent or friend helping me read and answer emails. I answer them. I read them. So when you feel that it is necessary to write me one message that says "Do you have msn?" and then ANOTHER message all of 60 seconds later asking me for my msn (which I do not have), stop and think. THINK people. It isn't rocket science. Seriously, if I did have msn, wouldn't it be a logical response to your first question for me to tell you my info? Yea. It would be. So to send me a completely redundant email is not only 1-annoying as hell but 2-unnecessary by all standards.
2. Asking for free pictures/webcam sessions/etc. I do not give away freebies to people I do not know and love. What does that mean? Well, take my myspace friendship with G. G and I send emails back and forth. We talk. We're friends. So as a friend, do I send him pictures of me that normally others would have to pay for? Yea. I do. He's seen my tits for free. He's seen my feet for free. He sends me pictures of lovely ladies in exchange, but even if he didn't, he treats me like a human being. On top of which, freebies do not really exist in this world. You would like to think they exist because of things like "Buy one get one free!" but really, you had to BUY something to GET something FREE. In case you haven't noticed, this is not just about having fun for me. Yea, I have a lot of fun doing what I do, however this is also my job. So if you have not treated me like a real human being/friend and then ask me for free things, of course I'm going to be a bitch because you're pathetic and obviously do not deserve to get anything from me. Besides, there is enough naked Sydney on the web for free or for a small fee to pay that you should just do your research rather than wasting my time.
3. Like OMG! You have my screenname! Holy shit! What now?? I am not online all the time. And when I am, that does not mean you can expect me to want to devote all of my attention to you, unless you happen to be a paying customer. Having my screenname is a privilege, not a right. I have a life. I have friends. I go to school. I do not want to spend my life sitting in front of a computer talking to ugly losers who can't meet girls in real life (side note, no you may not meet me in real life, unless again you are a paying customer whose booked a session).
4. No, I do not want to be your girlfriend, nor do I want to marry you. Stop asking. You'll never have me. And I already know that if at the time I do have a boyfriend, he is the luckiest guy on the face of the planet, but thanks for the reminder.
5. If your memory is too poor to remember that you've emailed me that question more than once, stop while you're ahead. Do not email me the exact same question more than once. If I do not answer you, it's because your question is either rude, offensive, inappropriate, unnecessary, or plain and simple, I do not want to answer it. Emailing the same question multiple times is more likely to get you a rude, cruel hearted reply, to which you will inevitably reply something along the lines of "fine, you stupid ugly slut. go make XXX videos with some ugly fat dudes for $1/minute on clips4sale because you aren't hot enough to make it in the porn world." To which, you will not get a reply because I do not do X or XXX rated things. And because I have standards with the men I sleep with and none of them are fat and ugly.
6. Can you send me videos of you getting off? No. There is one person in the whole world who has videos of me doing that. And he's special. On top of which, I wouldn't send them to you for free to begin with. Why? Please refer to #2 for your answer.
7. So, you booked a session. Now what? I don't fuck clients. I kick them in the balls, shove my feet in their faces, yell at them, degrade them, humiliate them, trample them, make them suck on my toes, tickle them, etc. I will not touch your man junk unless I'm kicking it. And you will not touch my boobs, ass or vag unless you want me to take the rest of the money you owe me, and leave without the rest of your session continuing, but only after a swift kick in the balls/ass and a punch in the gut/face or a nice spray of mace all up in your face.
I may continue this list later, but for now, this will do. :)
Friday, January 22, 2010
switching roles
Up until recently, I have never played the "sub" type very well. I find myself too demanding, too mouthy and far far too in control to even want to play the role of sub. So when I somehow found myself having late night phone sex with someone whose photography I've idolized since I was 13/14, I found myself having completely switched roles. Don't get me wrong, I love to please, even as a dom, but I am always my own top priority as I damn well ought to be. But this guy brought a completely different side of me out. I don't know how or why but it keeps happening. I go out of my way to please him from across the damn country. Now...I don't do that normally. I never have. But getting off solo is lame, and even with a phone between him and I, I get off way better than without having his voice in my ear telling me what to do. He calls me his little whore, which I do not tolerate from people normally, but I love hearing him say it. I don't get it. I seriously do a complete 180 on the phone with him. weird.
Anyway, last night I booked a ballbusting session for early Feb. Ballbusting is one fetish that I don't completely understand. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think it's super fun to do and hilarious to watch but...being on the receiving end of that? I just don't understand how that can be a turn on. I totally get foot fetishes and anything dealing with mouth/oral stuff...actually, I get most fetishes (minus golden showers, anal anything, vomit, and feces) but ballbusting is one that just completely blows my mind because of how big of a market there is for it. Am I going to do it? Of course! Why wouldn't I? Afterall, I've got a ballbusting video session next Friday with Slave Andy for our clips4sale stores...A girl has to get some practice in! Besides, the money is always nice.
In case any of you are TRUE diehard Twilight fans, here's a special surprise! You can own the very best part of Edward Cullen! The reviews are fantastic btw. You should read them just for shits and giggles. Cause I about died giggling. Also, be sure to check out the "expert advice" to see if this product is for you... ;)
Anyway, last night I booked a ballbusting session for early Feb. Ballbusting is one fetish that I don't completely understand. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think it's super fun to do and hilarious to watch but...being on the receiving end of that? I just don't understand how that can be a turn on. I totally get foot fetishes and anything dealing with mouth/oral stuff...actually, I get most fetishes (minus golden showers, anal anything, vomit, and feces) but ballbusting is one that just completely blows my mind because of how big of a market there is for it. Am I going to do it? Of course! Why wouldn't I? Afterall, I've got a ballbusting video session next Friday with Slave Andy for our clips4sale stores...A girl has to get some practice in! Besides, the money is always nice.
In case any of you are TRUE diehard Twilight fans, here's a special surprise! You can own the very best part of Edward Cullen! The reviews are fantastic btw. You should read them just for shits and giggles. Cause I about died giggling. Also, be sure to check out the "expert advice" to see if this product is for you... ;)
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
dating while in the midst of a dryspell
I haven't had sex for a month. It's true. I know that seems far fetched, but it happens. Now, a month may not seem long to most, but it's gotten bad. Real bad. The last sexual encounter I had involved a gorgeous beast face deep in my pussy. I got off. Multiple times. I should be satisfied, right? Wrong. All that it's done has left me craving more. Maybe it's also because that was a couple weeks ago too, and the bruises and bite marks have faded from my thighs and I'm left with nothing to remind me other than silly fading memories of what feels like an eternity ago.
Moving on. I went on my first date in over a year Sunday night. It was somewhat of a blind date, but we friended each other on facebook and had been texting before it actually happened, so I guess I can't really call it a blind date. Anyway, Miss Whitney Morgan apparently spreads dirty lies about me to her male friends telling them that I'm sweet and fun and pretty awesome, and one of them must have thought so since he took me out for dinner and a lovely walk around the park. I had no idea what to expect from this guy cause he seemed pretty funny via text message, but you can be a completely and totally different person when hiding behind your texted word. The Gentleman/Anti Communist turned out to be noncreepy, which is good, but he did make the mistake of talking politics on the first date. Fortunately it wasn't so bad that I didn't say no to a second date, but nevertheless, I am not a very political person. I follow politics enough and am well informed enough to make intelligent decisions when voting, but other than that, I don't care. I'm not going to change anything with my vote and I'm not nearly political enough to start a revolution. But anyway, enough politics... back to the date. It was nice. He gave me a rose, which was super sweet. I can't remember the last time someone gave me a rose. Doing things that I'm not expecting or used to, like giving me a flower, is a really great way to start off an evening.
What I realized between my date Sunday and 3am this morning is that I've been holding my life to extremely high standards of sexual pleasure. I'm wanting it so bad that I'm not going about it the right way. I haven't played the role of desperate single girl in forever...and by forever, I really mean ever. But anyway, after a short nap in a sexy beast's bed after a couple drinks last night, I woke up and walked away from the situation. I could have stayed in bed with him and flicked his nipple with my tongue while pinching the other until the results were desirable in my favor. But I didn't. I walked away. I don't know. And I surely don't know why. But I did. He did give me a book to read before I left completely (intelligence is sexy. Giving me books to read is like foreplay) and walked me to my car. I won't lie; I've been craving the beast's sex like you wouldn't believe. And there I was. Walking away. I think I've figured out/decided that since I've been holding things to such high standards, I should just let things happen. I haven't been very good at that recently. I think that letting things happen and just going with the flow will probably be healthier but more fun anyway.
Anyhow...Saturday there was a modeling event about an hour away that Miss Whitney Morgan, Joel and I attended. As usual, I got naked pretty fast. I swear, my clothes just fall off! Anyway, there was this beautiful black girl who ate my face at one point and then proceeded to make out with me for pictures. It was magical. This however was after scary hard on guy pulled off his bottoms and proceeded to get the scariest looking hard on I've ever seen. You don't understand. It was terrifying. I've slept with black guys before and none of them have had such scary hard ons. Seriously. Uncircumcised and crooked. And scary. I giggled. Penises should be much prettier than that if they're going to be within a foot of me.
Anyway. I'm running out of steam. I'm exhausted. I think it's nap time.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
a popped cherry
Today warrants two entries apparently.
My ex boyfriend from 6 years ago who I lost my virginity to has recently gotten back into contact with me. I haven't seen him for 4 years. Well, no. I ran into him at a house party a year or so ago and we talked for 5 minutes before I decided that I couldn't bring myself to listen to him talk anymore and walked away to do better things. So, anyway, Christmas came along and I got a message on myspace from him saying he was moving back to Orlando and wanted to meet up for lunch or something. ok cool. I can respect that. I've been getting back in touch with people from my past a lot recently so I'm ok with that. A couple days go by, and I'm over at Whitney's house making the photographic porns of her and the ex texts me. He's of course found my webcamming store and expresses the desire to make a movie with me. Ok. Cool. Whatever. I offer to let him be in a ballbusting video. He goes silent and I don't hear back from him for a few days until he calls me a few days later when I'm in a hotel room making smut of hot redhead model chick and sexy black dreadheaded boy who I've been lusting after since I met him. Anyway, the ex calls. Apparently he's been rolling. God. Who rolls anymore? I mean really? We're in our twentys here folks. Aren't we a bit old for such... high school drugs? Anyway, conversation happens, blah blah blah.
Anyhow, today I get an email from him. He lost his phone. Ok. first off. I have NEVER lost my phone. Ever. I don't understand how you people can loose your phones so often. But that's besides the point. He asked me out to dinner so we can catch up. We're getting into dangerous territory here. First, he's expressed the desire to do me all over again since we're both a lot "freakier" than we used to be. Second, he no longer wants to do lunch. We're talking dinner now. Lunch is what friends do. Dinner isn't a strictly friends option between two heterosexual people who are not connected by work, family, etc. I don't ask guys who I want to bang out to lunch. I ask them out to dinner. Is this a female thing? I can't figure it out.
But anyway, I'm going to go ahead and continue assuming that my ex has asked me out on a date. In which case, I'm slipping on a slippery slope. I haven't gone out on a date in over a year. I feel as though going out on a date with someone who I've already dated would be a good buffer between ending my relationship and getting back into the playing field. Maybe I'm wrong here, but I think it might actually be a good idea to go out on a date with him...no matter the amount of emotional damage he caused me way back at age 16. He's a familiar face, we've already fucked so I wouldn't feel like a complete whore if I ended up in bed with him again, and I already know that it would be just a date. I couldn't possibly get myself emotionally involved with him ever again.
I don't know if I actually remember how to go on a date anymore honestly. It's been forever. Am I even actually ready for dating? Oh god...weird.
My ex boyfriend from 6 years ago who I lost my virginity to has recently gotten back into contact with me. I haven't seen him for 4 years. Well, no. I ran into him at a house party a year or so ago and we talked for 5 minutes before I decided that I couldn't bring myself to listen to him talk anymore and walked away to do better things. So, anyway, Christmas came along and I got a message on myspace from him saying he was moving back to Orlando and wanted to meet up for lunch or something. ok cool. I can respect that. I've been getting back in touch with people from my past a lot recently so I'm ok with that. A couple days go by, and I'm over at Whitney's house making the photographic porns of her and the ex texts me. He's of course found my webcamming store and expresses the desire to make a movie with me. Ok. Cool. Whatever. I offer to let him be in a ballbusting video. He goes silent and I don't hear back from him for a few days until he calls me a few days later when I'm in a hotel room making smut of hot redhead model chick and sexy black dreadheaded boy who I've been lusting after since I met him. Anyway, the ex calls. Apparently he's been rolling. God. Who rolls anymore? I mean really? We're in our twentys here folks. Aren't we a bit old for such... high school drugs? Anyway, conversation happens, blah blah blah.
Anyhow, today I get an email from him. He lost his phone. Ok. first off. I have NEVER lost my phone. Ever. I don't understand how you people can loose your phones so often. But that's besides the point. He asked me out to dinner so we can catch up. We're getting into dangerous territory here. First, he's expressed the desire to do me all over again since we're both a lot "freakier" than we used to be. Second, he no longer wants to do lunch. We're talking dinner now. Lunch is what friends do. Dinner isn't a strictly friends option between two heterosexual people who are not connected by work, family, etc. I don't ask guys who I want to bang out to lunch. I ask them out to dinner. Is this a female thing? I can't figure it out.
But anyway, I'm going to go ahead and continue assuming that my ex has asked me out on a date. In which case, I'm slipping on a slippery slope. I haven't gone out on a date in over a year. I feel as though going out on a date with someone who I've already dated would be a good buffer between ending my relationship and getting back into the playing field. Maybe I'm wrong here, but I think it might actually be a good idea to go out on a date with him...no matter the amount of emotional damage he caused me way back at age 16. He's a familiar face, we've already fucked so I wouldn't feel like a complete whore if I ended up in bed with him again, and I already know that it would be just a date. I couldn't possibly get myself emotionally involved with him ever again.
I don't know if I actually remember how to go on a date anymore honestly. It's been forever. Am I even actually ready for dating? Oh god...weird.
people vs toys
Alright. So. The difference between being with a person vs using a toy seems to be appearing a lot more frequently in my conversations recently since I'm newly single and therefore quite the horny little whore. When it comes down to it, 9 times out of 10, I will always chose to be with a person than break into my arsenal of toys (yes, it really is an arsenal...I have more than I can count on both hands). Why? Because nothing beats getting off with someone. Nothing beats the passion of someone's lips against my neck or teeth biting into my thighs. Nothing is better feeling than the sweat falling onto one another and feeling completely and utterly satisfied.
However, since my current standing leaves me with no regular piece of ass, I'm left to the alternative. Now, the alternative has its place. No required cuddling. When you're done, you're done...You don't have to fake your way through the rest of it until they're done (and yea, I've had to do that. it's annoying!). So, my nights have been spent alone enjoying my arsenal. It's weird. For the most part I'm alone. There have been the random phone calls in which aid is given, which is much better choice to being completely alone, but still. Something is missing when it's just you and your toy/hand.
Maybe what I need is a better toy? Perhaps that is the real problem here. Maybe that spiffy new sex robot would do the trick? wait no. I'm lacking the proper equipment there. hm. Maybe I need a new friend who I can do without emotions being involved? That sounds more reasonable. We all know how great I am at turning off my emotions. ha. The problem is...I haven't gone on a date in over a year and a half. I haven't slept with a fuck buddy in god knows how long. And well. Damnit. I don't know if I know how to do this anymore.
However, since my current standing leaves me with no regular piece of ass, I'm left to the alternative. Now, the alternative has its place. No required cuddling. When you're done, you're done...You don't have to fake your way through the rest of it until they're done (and yea, I've had to do that. it's annoying!). So, my nights have been spent alone enjoying my arsenal. It's weird. For the most part I'm alone. There have been the random phone calls in which aid is given, which is much better choice to being completely alone, but still. Something is missing when it's just you and your toy/hand.
Maybe what I need is a better toy? Perhaps that is the real problem here. Maybe that spiffy new sex robot would do the trick? wait no. I'm lacking the proper equipment there. hm. Maybe I need a new friend who I can do without emotions being involved? That sounds more reasonable. We all know how great I am at turning off my emotions. ha. The problem is...I haven't gone on a date in over a year and a half. I haven't slept with a fuck buddy in god knows how long. And well. Damnit. I don't know if I know how to do this anymore.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
the beginning
I've found myself asking "How did I end up here?" over and over again. Sometimes I'm not really sure, other times I know exactly how I got here.
I guess the logical thing to do would be introduce myself. Hi. I'm Sydney. You can call me Sydney. That's what everyone else calls me at least. I'm a normal girl for the most part. Slightly overweight, silly, easily entertained, striving for something more/bigger/better than what I have, and making excuses for everything that gets in my way. I've got youth on my side though, and a whole lifetime to figure out why exactly I'm here and what exactly I enjoy. See, I'm that kind of girl. The kind that your mom hopes you'd stay away from, the one you always wanted to get with, the one who got away. I'm whatever kind of girl I want to be. More importantly, I'm whatever kind of girl YOU want me to be. Simple fact. I get off to pleasing others. Easy enough, right?
What started as a not so innocent adventure in the backseat of my first car has since lead to where I am now. Who I am now. What I am now. I'm not the good girl I pretend to be. I'm not the kind of girl you want to take home to Mommy and Daddy. I don't put up walls and lie about who I am and what I am. This is simply me. Maybe this is the real me, and that side that my coworkers and parents see is the real mask. I suppose I won't know. But this is where you'll find me spilling my guts out. It won't be pretty, I'm sure. It will probably be rather filthy when it comes down to it. But this is me. You won't find lies here and you won't find me passing judgment without the proper knowledge available to do so, and therefore, if you find this too much for your little eyes, get out. Get out now and don't look back. My life is raw and open. And if you aren't as open minded as you need to be, then leave.
I guess the logical thing to do would be introduce myself. Hi. I'm Sydney. You can call me Sydney. That's what everyone else calls me at least. I'm a normal girl for the most part. Slightly overweight, silly, easily entertained, striving for something more/bigger/better than what I have, and making excuses for everything that gets in my way. I've got youth on my side though, and a whole lifetime to figure out why exactly I'm here and what exactly I enjoy. See, I'm that kind of girl. The kind that your mom hopes you'd stay away from, the one you always wanted to get with, the one who got away. I'm whatever kind of girl I want to be. More importantly, I'm whatever kind of girl YOU want me to be. Simple fact. I get off to pleasing others. Easy enough, right?
What started as a not so innocent adventure in the backseat of my first car has since lead to where I am now. Who I am now. What I am now. I'm not the good girl I pretend to be. I'm not the kind of girl you want to take home to Mommy and Daddy. I don't put up walls and lie about who I am and what I am. This is simply me. Maybe this is the real me, and that side that my coworkers and parents see is the real mask. I suppose I won't know. But this is where you'll find me spilling my guts out. It won't be pretty, I'm sure. It will probably be rather filthy when it comes down to it. But this is me. You won't find lies here and you won't find me passing judgment without the proper knowledge available to do so, and therefore, if you find this too much for your little eyes, get out. Get out now and don't look back. My life is raw and open. And if you aren't as open minded as you need to be, then leave.
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