the pursuit of a date

In case you haven't caught on yet, I'm the kind of gal who likes to date, a lot. I'm not quite sure how I got to the point of being a serial dater, but that seems to be where I am at in my life at the moment. But, I get the feeling that people expect something else from me. You see, I'm not looking to give my heart away (if I'm even capable of that), but I'm looking for more than a slew of bed partners. Ok, now that I've worded it that way even I'm confused as to what I want. Welcome to the mind of a female (unluckily for me, I live here). I've been told several times by my friends that my expectations for lovers/significant others is probably a bit high and therefore I'm probably going to get let down often. I'm ok with that. As a serial dater though, I have come up with somethings that I expect from people in general, especially those hoping to extend a date into multiple dates or hop in my bed.

1-Be honest. Nothing is more of a turn of than lack of honesty. Seriously, I'm probably one of the most laid back and chill people you will ever meet, but if you aren't honest with me for whatever reason, you're not getting to date #2 or my bed (or me in your bed). Ok, it's a hard thing to decipher on a first date, I know. However, there are certain things you should offer up off the bat such as relationship status (yes, I've slept with people in relationships and married guys, hell...I may even do it again), STDs (ok, so, I probably don't want to sleep with you if my health is put in danger but, I'll admire you for being up front), children (I hate children, but I know people who have them and have dated people with them), you also happen to be a serial dater (hey cool! maybe we can compare notes!), you're a virgin (No, I'm not going to take that from you), etc.

2-Be at least somewhat intelligent, or at least pretend to be. Intelligence is sexy. That is all.

3-Dress for the occasion. Going out for dinner? Wear something schnazy. Hiking? dress for the weather and for walking. The beach? Probably a bad time to wear a tie (ew, weird tan line...). Please note, my personal favorites for males to wear include ties, nice shoes, black pants, jeans that fit properly, etc. For ladies, dresses, heels, pantyhose, shorts (I love a gal in shorts...), tank tops, etc.

4-Make me laugh. I'm a giggler, so this is a lot easier than you think.

5-Don't agree with everything I say if you don't actually agree. Just please, don't talk politics, religion, past relationships (dates and lovers are different from relationships. I probably don't want to hear about your lovers either), children or marriage on the first date.

6-Do not spend the entire time talking to me about sex. Not sexy. Not going to get you into my bed (or me into yours). Obviously, I like sex, but I don't want to talk about it all the fucking time.

7-Actually listen. Don't pretend. I can tell the difference between the two, and I'll return the favor. ;)

8-Please have good personal hygiene.

9-Please have not dated any of my friends. The only time this happens to be ok is said friend hooked the two of us up. Otherwise, not ok.

10-Please do not tell me about your hard on or your wet pussy. I get enough of that on the web to suffice for multiple lifetimes.

Since I think I may have run out of things at the moment, 10 will do for this list. Hooray!

However, also on the dating front, I've decided I am tired of pursuing. I want to be pursued. I want someone to want me. To call me. To text me. Not to the point of being annoying, but to the point of showing that you're interested. Not sure if you're texting me too much? Well...do I respond right away? If yes, this is a good sign. If no, bad sign...you should probably lay off a bit. I know this is a difficult ground to know what is enough and what is too much/not enough. Go with what you feel is right. If you feel like you're texting too much, you probably are. But anyway. Pursuing. I've done the game where I go out of my way for a date. I'm tired of that game. I don't like playing hard to get on either fronts. It's not natural or fun. Ok, well, it's kind of fun if I'm the one playing hard to get, but then people give up. And where's the fun in that?

I'm tired of being the one making the phone calls, sending the first texts, being the aggressor. If I had it my way, it'd be an equal split between who does the calling, texting, making first move, etc. Mainly because I don't really think that males are particularly better than females, nor are females particularly better than males. I'm an equal opportunity lover.

And that's that for this evening folks.

there is no such thing as love

I am incapable of loving anyone in a romantic way anymore. At one point, I was very capable. However, that point has come and gone and I am left alone, unable, and unwilling.

What is worse, is when you confuse love and lust. I think that has been my problem for quite sometime now. My last boyfriend and I were together for a year officially, plus a few months before hand dating unofficially. How did this happen? Well...I crawled into his bed drunk several times after partying with his sister and me being the persistent and horny one, wouldn't stop til I got what I wanted. Eventually the sex started fading and I had enough emotional issues that it became an issue.

Now, here I am. I'm getting laid on fairly a weekly basis, sometimes more often, sometimes less. I slept with the guy I lost my virginity too years ago. Hell, it was good. I slept with bartender boy. It was bad. I've pursued someone whose sexuality I can't quite figure out (may or may not be gay). And damnit. I'm bored already. What happened to the good old days of regular fuck buddies? Someone you'd see very often for the simple purpose of getting each other off. Hell, I even had fuck buddies for the periods of time between relationships. One moved to Ohio. One still comes over to fuck me once in a while but is about as easy to get a hold of a drug dealer. Anyone else that I've had has either fallen off the face of the earth, gotten into a relationship, or is no longer someone I want to share a bed with. What the fuck happened to reliable fucks? It's really not a difficult matter. Sydney wants to get off, and Sydney wants to get off often.

Don't get me wrong, I love playing with myself. I always get off then, but really... I want the real thing. No vibrator can give me what I want. There's no passion there. No sweat. No begging to stop. No begging not to stop.

I think one of the lesbians may have it right. I need to stop dealing with guys for a while and enjoy ladies. I've had some fantastic experiences with ladies, but the last one who was in my bed well...that was just weird both times. I'm not sure I want any more weird experiences, and I'm much more picky about women than I am about men. Women represent something more to me than men. Women aren't just some means of mutual masturbation like most of the men I've been have been. Women have power, beauty, strength and energy that men lack. I don't like to be put up on a pedestal, but that's what I do with women when it comes down to it. I respect women. Men? Well... glorified sex toys for the most part.

I can't help that feeling.

annoyed

Ok. So. Ugh. I have decided that my newest pet peeve is not being able to read people. Normally, I read people fairly well. Most are not a mystery to me when it comes to what they are feeling/thinking and I like it that way. However, new guy that I went out with the other night...cute, tall, skinny, adorable smile, nice sized cock, and has a foot fetish. Fantastic right?? Would be way better if I could actually figure him out. Everyone I introduced him to thought he was gay. Fuck, I thought it for a while considering I didn't get a kiss goodbye. But no. Can't read him at all. I shouldn't have to ask if someone is interested in me. They should show it. Right? Apparently not so much. Ugh.

Ok. Done ranting. Maybe?

Yea, I lied. If someone is going to tell me that I'm the only person they want to hang out with, then they need to make a little bit more of an effort to actually hang out. I'm done. I'm not who I was back then when he knew me. I'll keep his watch with no shame or second thought since I won't be the one calling him.

See, what guys don't understand is that they are a dime a dozen to me. Granted, this is not everyone, but for the most part most of the guys in my life aren't worth shit. Bartender boy? who cares. ex-boyfriends (any and all of them)? eh, whatever. Guys on dating sites? lame. Arm candy to various places/events around town? cute, but I'm not going to hit that. I'll admit it...most guys are disposable to me. If my heart doesn't race around you, and I'm too shy to do anything about it...you're probably less disposable than most. But if you think you can fuck with me and my emotions...not going to happen. Do I actively pursue guys anyway though? Of course I do (obviously). Hell, I even seem to be much more bold about it than they are. When did guys start to be so pussified?? I shouldn't have to consistently make the first move, the first invite, etc. Yes, it is ok sometimes but all the time?? Fuck that noise.

Going out on a date tonight with someone from dating website. It's Valentine's Day and well...I refused to be a complete loner for the holiday. We're going to see Dear John, which looks horribly adorable and perfect to snuggle during...so of course we're hitting a theater with big comfy couches instead of a regular theater.

I've had a companion once for Valentine's Day. And you know what we did? Nothing. He was too busy hanging out with his friends and figured that Valentine's Day was just another day. I'm sorry, but you can avoid making a fuss the rest of the year. Give me one day where I'm treated like a goddamn princess and buy me flowers and ridiculous amounts of chocolate and pamper me. That's not much. I could be a gold digging whore who asks for that on a weekly basis, but you know what? I don't. Well...from some of you, I do... but when I'm dating someone, damnit, I want to be a fucking princess for one day out of the year. I want a day full of passionate fucking, a romantic dinner in a dark corner of a nice restaurant, followed by more passionate fucking. Not much to ask for, right? Apparently...it is. :/

good vs bad

So far this week, I've had good sex and I've had bad sex. Ask me which I'm more pleased about.

I've been talking to this guy for a little while now and finally decided to actually meet him in person Saturday night since the bar he works at is literally, 2 miles away from my house. I could stumble home from there if I really wanted to. So, Saturday night, Whitney and I head up there after a day in Tampa shooting. First sign that it wasn't going to be a great lay was the fact that I got a high five as a greeting. Ok. Um. Really? Whatever. I get Whitney and I drinks and head back to the table. We talk, dance a little, giggle profusely over silly girly things, and decide to head outside after we've gotten our 2nd round of drinks and I've run into a friend's roommate. Whitney decided that I was going to play hard to get of course, so when we're sitting outside and bartender boy comes out and proceeds to not come over and talk to me, I'm kinda like...whatever. Finally he comes over. Neither Whitney nor I was impressed with him talking to us but again, whatever. After he goes back inside, we stay out talking a while longer before going inside. Once we're inside again, my friend's roommate and her friend come over and the four of us talk and giggle and I ask S why bartender boy is a skank (I texted her roommate when I realized I knew S and ask her about it). S gave me the reasoning that he had hooked up with two girls at once. Yea, ok, that's cool. But that doesn't make you a skank. So, texted bartender boy asking about what happened to the free drinks I was promised, and like clockwork, all of a sudden there were shots in front of Whitney and I. Spent the rest of the night getting more and more drunk, and dancing/making out with the ladies, and for the most part, ignoring bartender boy except when I wanted him to come light my cigarettes for me. Finally, it's that point where I can't drink anymore and am feeling the need for sleep, so I'm fixing to leave and ask bartender boy if he wants to come outside with me. He does. So does S and her friend. I have never been cock-blocked so bad. Seriously, they wouldn't leave him and I alone for a second. ugh. Finally, I've said my goodbyes and I head home.

About 2 hours later, bartender boy is at my house. Now, this first part could have made him much more interesting, if what happened afterwards wasn't so lame. He went through my bookcase to make sure I had good taste in books. Cute right?? I mean, come on, intelligence turns me on and I obviously love books and here's this guy talking books with me. HOT. Yea. Well. Ugh. The sex was boring. I had to get myself off. The whole time he was over, my phone was blowing up with one of my regular fuck buddies texting me wanting to come over, and this guy who I've been crushing on for a couple years now saying dirty things to me. And there I am. In bed. Getting lame sex. WTF?! It got to the point where I was just too damn bored to even fake getting off and so I had to whip out my toy box and do the deed myself. Great. Whatever. He came on my tits and then I told him to leave. He calls 5 minutes later and asks how it was. Really dude?? You couldn't tell? Whatever. I've decided that he's probably one of those guys who thinks that since he's ridiculously adorable that he can get by just off that. yea. um. no.

Fast forward to last night. I go out for beers after class with one of my arm candy dates for this weekend's art show. Now, I'll admit it...when it comes to weak spots, he's one of my biggest weaknesses. I had absolutely no intention of sleeping with him last night...or actually... ever, because I know how I am with him, even after all this time. But a combination of last week's hanging out and drinking beers and talking til way after the bar closed, and a text message saying that I was the only one he wanted to hang out with, and then him telling someone he wouldn't go pick them up because he wanted to spend his evening with me, well...it all added up. Maybe it was the way he made me feel like I was the only person in the bar that mattered, or perhaps how beautiful he made me feel but, eventually, I invited him back to my place. I could roll around in bed making out with him for hours, just the way we did back in middle and high school. Seriously, I could have just done that last night and been content. But, between my lame sex experience over the weekend and the way he kept kissing me and telling me things, I couldn't say no to wanting him. It didn't last nearly as long as I had hoped but even still, I got off really quick and more than once, which is always a good thing in my book.

So there ya have it. Art show this weekend and I've got myself some adorable arm candy lined up. I just need some cute clothes to wear. Hm. I bought myself a dress yesterday but I'm not sure if I really want to keep it. I may end up taking it back if I find something better on tomorrow's shopping trip. We'll see. I should probably find something schmexy to wear for my ballbusting client Wednesday night as well. Hm. Ok, now I'm rambling, so I'm going to declare myself done.

xoxox

kicking

Last night I had a wonderful session with Slave Andy. Kicked him in the balls, forced him to smell my feet and armpits, and kicked him in the balls some more. If I've learned anything in the past 6 months, it's that there is nothing quite like kicking a guy in the balls. All of my angers, frustrations, annoyances, and whatever else are gone by the time I'm done. Whether barefoot or in shoes, nothing is quite as good feeling as bringing a guy to his knees after kicking him so hard that he can't take it. The first time I kicked Andy, I was so worried about hurting him that I didn't give it my all. Last night though, I slowly got more confidence in both him and me that I was able to bring him down to his knees multiple times. See, Andy is one of those super sweet guys I wouldn't want to kick but since I know how much he likes it...well. Let's just say I'm one to please.

Earlier this week, against the better judgment of most all of my friends, I went out with an ex after class and grabbed a couple beers. I was pleasantly surprised by how much fun I had talking with him. We shut down the bar and then were in the parking lot talking for another hour. It was really nice. Half the time he kept trying to convince me that I'm cute, hot, whatever. He knew me way back before this badgirl streak hit. I was a bad girl in high school though...drugs, sex, alcohol, sex. Now my being a bad girl is just my webcamming and dom'ing. It was so nice to laugh and talk with him. No judgments or bringing up the past. Just hanging out and drinking beers.

Wednesday I've got a ballbusting client coming into town. I can't wait.

Valentine's Day is next week. Please should send me gifts and money. Just saying. P O B o x 189, Goldenrod FL 32733