a popped cherry

Today warrants two entries apparently.

My ex boyfriend from 6 years ago who I lost my virginity to has recently gotten back into contact with me. I haven't seen him for 4 years. Well, no. I ran into him at a house party a year or so ago and we talked for 5 minutes before I decided that I couldn't bring myself to listen to him talk anymore and walked away to do better things. So, anyway, Christmas came along and I got a message on myspace from him saying he was moving back to Orlando and wanted to meet up for lunch or something. ok cool. I can respect that. I've been getting back in touch with people from my past a lot recently so I'm ok with that. A couple days go by, and I'm over at Whitney's house making the photographic porns of her and the ex texts me. He's of course found my webcamming store and expresses the desire to make a movie with me. Ok. Cool. Whatever. I offer to let him be in a ballbusting video. He goes silent and I don't hear back from him for a few days until he calls me a few days later when I'm in a hotel room making smut of hot redhead model chick and sexy black dreadheaded boy who I've been lusting after since I met him. Anyway, the ex calls. Apparently he's been rolling. God. Who rolls anymore? I mean really? We're in our twentys here folks. Aren't we a bit old for such... high school drugs? Anyway, conversation happens, blah blah blah.

Anyhow, today I get an email from him. He lost his phone. Ok. first off. I have NEVER lost my phone. Ever. I don't understand how you people can loose your phones so often. But that's besides the point. He asked me out to dinner so we can catch up. We're getting into dangerous territory here. First, he's expressed the desire to do me all over again since we're both a lot "freakier" than we used to be. Second, he no longer wants to do lunch. We're talking dinner now. Lunch is what friends do. Dinner isn't a strictly friends option between two heterosexual people who are not connected by work, family, etc. I don't ask guys who I want to bang out to lunch. I ask them out to dinner. Is this a female thing? I can't figure it out.

But anyway, I'm going to go ahead and continue assuming that my ex has asked me out on a date. In which case, I'm slipping on a slippery slope. I haven't gone out on a date in over a year. I feel as though going out on a date with someone who I've already dated would be a good buffer between ending my relationship and getting back into the playing field. Maybe I'm wrong here, but I think it might actually be a good idea to go out on a date with him...no matter the amount of emotional damage he caused me way back at age 16. He's a familiar face, we've already fucked so I wouldn't feel like a complete whore if I ended up in bed with him again, and I already know that it would be just a date. I couldn't possibly get myself emotionally involved with him ever again.

I don't know if I actually remember how to go on a date anymore honestly. It's been forever. Am I even actually ready for dating? Oh god...weird.