the beginning

I've found myself asking "How did I end up here?" over and over again. Sometimes I'm not really sure, other times I know exactly how I got here.

I guess the logical thing to do would be introduce myself. Hi. I'm Sydney. You can call me Sydney. That's what everyone else calls me at least. I'm a normal girl for the most part. Slightly overweight, silly, easily entertained, striving for something more/bigger/better than what I have, and making excuses for everything that gets in my way. I've got youth on my side though, and a whole lifetime to figure out why exactly I'm here and what exactly I enjoy. See, I'm that kind of girl. The kind that your mom hopes you'd stay away from, the one you always wanted to get with, the one who got away. I'm whatever kind of girl I want to be. More importantly, I'm whatever kind of girl YOU want me to be. Simple fact. I get off to pleasing others. Easy enough, right?

What started as a not so innocent adventure in the backseat of my first car has since lead to where I am now. Who I am now. What I am now. I'm not the good girl I pretend to be. I'm not the kind of girl you want to take home to Mommy and Daddy. I don't put up walls and lie about who I am and what I am. This is simply me. Maybe this is the real me, and that side that my coworkers and parents see is the real mask. I suppose I won't know. But this is where you'll find me spilling my guts out. It won't be pretty, I'm sure. It will probably be rather filthy when it comes down to it. But this is me. You won't find lies here and you won't find me passing judgment without the proper knowledge available to do so, and therefore, if you find this too much for your little eyes, get out. Get out now and don't look back. My life is raw and open. And if you aren't as open minded as you need to be, then leave.