Once Upon A Time...

Once Upon A Time, there was a desperate girl who hadn't gotten laid for months and had no physical attention whatsoever from anything other than her plethora of toys, which really hardly counts since there's no cuddling or "you're gorgeous" after the fact. So one night, this girl and her bff met a photographer after a meeting with a different photographer. This second photographer they met that evening was cocky, arrogant, overweight, and rather obnoxious and immature. Yet, the girl decided that out of boredum, she would shoot with him anyway the next night. So, the girl drives alllllllllll the way the fuck out there and they hang out and shoot. The girl can tell he's crushing on her, but she plays her normal teasing role as model, then leaves. Out of boredum several nights later, she finds herself hanging out at his house learning how to photoshop and discussing shoot ideas. And then watching a movie. And then cuddling. And then making out. A week or so goes by, and by this time, the girl has fallen into some sort of delusional state of mind and is spending the night at his house and messing around with him, partially out of boredum, partially out of loneliness. At some point, guy asks her if she'd be his girlfriend, and stupidly, the girl agrees. A month goes by and the guy has to move out of state. Bummer.

So, he moves. Still stuck in the delusional state of mind, the girl becomes obsessed with making it work. Nightly phone calls, airplane tickets, etc. This goes on for about 2 months before girl gets restless, annoyed, and starts to realize how delusional she's been. So, she starts her normal routine of turning into bitch and asking for things that most people wouldn't consider ok...open relationship, fewer phone calls, criticizing everything about him, etc. Finally, on her dollar, he comes to Florida in attempt to fix things even though she knows it cannot and will not be done. They fight for several days and finally, the girl kicks him out and leaves him on the side of the street to figure out his own way home. Boy gets maaaaaad. Girl giggles. Boy constantly text messages girl calling her names. Girl texts back without calling names, but instead pushing all the buttons that she knows gets him more mad at her. Boy leaves Florida several days later. Girl is happy. Boy won't leave girl alone. Boy gets mad because girl slept with other people while they were in open relationship (*gasp!*). Boy threatens to hunt down girl and kill her. Girl blocks boy from her phone, her myspace, her facebook, and every other social networking site humanly possible. Months go by. A year goes by.

Boy messages girl from a new account he has apparently created. Asks girl if she still hates him. Girl laughs and thinks to herself "hate you? that would require spending energy thinking about you." and decides that rather than ignore this message like she's done alllll the other ones like this, she'll respond. "To hate you would require that I think of you. Which I don't, and haven't. Until now. And it'd be super fantastic if you'd continue letting me forget about your existence. Thanks." Boy responds with "well, maybe someday". Girl doesn't respond. Instead she almost falls out of chair laughing because there is no way in hell guy will ever mature enough to be friends with girl, nor will girl ever go down that path of drama ever again.

And the girl, without the boy in her life, will live happily ever after.

The End.