numbers

I don't know why I recently noticed it, but I've noticed how many people in my life have this weird obsession with numbers in various capacities. Time. Number of orgasms. Number of drinks. Number of lovers. Money. Number of shoes. Number of times I've seen someone. Numbers numbers numbers. I don't get it. Or maybe I do.

In 2009 I stopped wearing a wrist watch. I spent a lot of time looking at what time it was. I was always rushing, always worried about how much time was left. Time time time. One day, shortly after a friend of mine committed suicide, I took off my watch, declaring that it slowed me down and that I didn't have the time for it. I haven't put it on since except for a photoshoot. I've stopped obsessing with time. People don't realize just how important exactly time is in our lives. Time is very important to me, and it fascinates me. I'm chronically early to everything despite my lack of a wrist watch. It takes effort for me to be late. I'm irritated by those who don't pay attention to time. It isn't even that my life is run by a schedule except for my work and school schedule. Everything else is up in the air most of the time. Time. Just another set of numbers, but it dictates so much of our lives. Why?

Numbers people annoy me I think. Life isn't about numbers. I don't count numbers of blinks I take or people I've kissed. I don't count orgasms. I have a list of lovers, and therefore I know that number, but I've stopped caring. Why the obsession with numbers? Half of what people want to measure with a number can't be truly be measured by numbers. A conversation came up recently with a friend of mine about orgasms. He wanted to know how many I had. I didn't know. What he said he really wanted to know was if I enjoyed myself. Of course I enjoyed myself. I could have one orgasm and the sex still be amazing. I could have too many to even try to count and the sex still be amazing.

Numbers are for mathematicians and accountants. I've dated one of each so far in 2010. And neither have ever brought up numbers to me. I think they understand numbers better than most, and not in the literal mathematical since of understanding numbers, but in the lack of importance of them in most situations. Time and money are the only points in which numbers matter, and money is only marginal. They say money doesn't matter to the people who have money. Money doesn't matter to me and I don't have much. So that leaves one thing left. Time. Only numbers that matter to me anymore. And really? That's because I only have so much of it left.