You know what I hate? Confusion. The past week has been a clusterfuck of emotional confusion and quite frankly, it was really annoying. And now? The past 24 hours of my life? Even more confused, which in turns means even more annoying. Where do I start??
The travel agent is back in town. I was really looking forward to seeing him when he got back and then. well. That got shot to shit. We made plans to hang out the Sunday after he got back and I didn't hear from him until late afternoon. I got the impression that he wasn't really interested because of it, so I decided to just lay off and not bother pursuing him. Yea, I was disappointed but I don't have the time or effort for such things. So then he posted a few comments on my facebook, so I texted him asking him if he was feeling better. He was. Decided that I wanted to figure him out, so I invited him to Disney with me. I figured it would be a basically no pressure day where we could hang out as friends and I could feel him out a bit more. I texted him on Tuesday about it...I heard back from him Thursday. Ok. Who the hell waits more than 24 hours to respond to a text message?! ugh.
So. Today. One of my girl friends came along today, as well as a photographer friend of mine who got us into Disney free. The travel agent and I pick up my female friend, and she instantly asks how we met. Well, I just giggled and awkwardly said we were friends, knowing that he felt weird about us meeting on a dating site. I looked in my rearview mirror at him and as my friend asked again how we met, he instantly says "sky diving". I'm hoping that if asked again by anyone, he'll come up with something else. Anyway, the whole day, it was friend card between us. I really liked it, but at the same time, my mind kept drifting back to his lips and hands...that phone call after we first met...I'm lost in confusion. What are we? Where the hell do I stand? What the fuck was with his comment about "I thought I was coming over to hang out as friends" minutes after his arms were wrapped around me and his lips on my neck? I hate confusion. I hate not knowing where I stand with someone. He's adorable. He's fun. He's as extrovertedly introverted as me. He has good music taste. I like him. Not hearing from him Sunday was a turn off though. And then him not texting me back for two days was another. But I like him despite that. But I need/want to know where I stand. I'm horrible about asking about such things. I want to know what I am to him. Friend? Lover? Friend with benefit? What? bleh. :/
Thursday night I stayed the night at the Gay Boyfriend and the Beast's apartment. I got there before the Gay boyfriend got home from work, and the Beast gave me a back massage. It was nice. And then it turned into messing around. He spent at least an hour going down on me and upon his coming up for air, I asked why he rarely wants me to reciprocate. Apparently watching me and enjoying me is fun. I don't really know what that means about getting off, or the lack there of on his side. I feel bad. He is so great at getting me off and has actually stopped me from going down on him. I don't quite get it. I love that he enjoys getting me off...dear whatever divinity I love it. But... I like to reciprocate. He knew I was spending time with the Travel Agent since he heard the Gay boyfriend and I discussing it later on in the evening, and so he purposefully tried to leave marks on me. He failed. No bruising on my ass. No bite marks on my thighs. tsk tsk.
I'm exhausted. I think it's time I fall asleep. Sex and the City marathon on TBS til I pass out.
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