disconnected

It had been a month Saturday night when I decided to give in and say "screw it" to the whole celibacy thing. Giving up sex for a month was an attempt to reconnect with myself and banish thoughts of people from my mind. It didn't work out too well. Instead, I took up drinking more often, and usually in the privacy of my own room. Saturday I just decided that nothing really seemed to be helping my own insanity so I surely wasn't going to deny myself that which brings me such pleasure.

Anyway. Things are good once you step outside my mental state. Moving into the new place soon. I need to paint the walls and put together my new furniture but otherwise, I'm ready. Oh, and I suppose I should pack boxes and disassemble my bed and desk so they're moveable.

I'd just like to share, since it's playing on my last.fm right now, that I really dislike Britney Spears' If You Seek Amy.

I'm sitting around tonight in lingerie and drinking a glass of wine. I kind of don't want to be here, but I feel like after the break down I had last week that ended up with me actually calling the Beast as my first line of defense, I don't really want to put him through that again. Don't get me wrong, he was amazing about it but I know how he judges...at least I know how he judges my Gay Boyfriend and quite frankly, as much as I adore the Beast, I'm not sure I'm ready for the harshness of his judgements, especially since he rarely keeps them to himself. Anyway, after 22 years in this same city, you'd think that I'd have more than a few people who I could turn to in times of need. But really? Llama Girl lives in another state. The Gay Boyfriend and the Beast are within 15 minutes of my house, and Whitney has enough going on in her own life and doesn't need my crap piled on top of it. That's who I've got. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of people who I can go out and have fun with but people who know me and see me when I'm not on my A game are few and far between. It kind of sucks, but at least I know who my friends are.

Anyway, this is starting to get all sad and stuff so I'm checking out now.