the truth is, I miss you

Surgery postponed. Blah. Kind of super annoyed, however when it comes down to it, it seems to be a good thing that it happened. Today was super busy at work due to several factors. Insanity. Some days you just really need to be able to just take a deep breathe...well...I needed that today but couldn't get it. Insanity.

Not having surgery yesterday meant that I spent a great majority of my day in bed asleep or watching Californication. My Mom also took me shopping which was hip. And I also spent a good deal of time thinking.

It's been weeks since I've spent time with the Beast. The truth is...I miss him. I've been so caught up in my own drama of moving and work and school that I haven't been around like I usually am and so I haven't seen him as often. The Gay Boyfriend has been spending the night at my new place rather than me crashing there, which is understandable since I know how much living in one place can drive a person mad at points. But anyway...I miss the Beast. I miss joking with him and our tickle fights...screaming and begging to stop. I miss cuddling up to him in the middle of the night.

I'm sure when it comes down to it, it really isn't just the Beast. I miss affection of any sort. The last real affection in my life came from the Virginity Thief, which annoyed me beyond belief after the fact. It was nice being curled up in his arms though, even if just for a while. I won't lie...I haven't cuddled with anyone in... I don't know how long. The Virginity Thief and the Beast have basically been the only two in months. I guess there were a few nights in there with the ex Security Guard but now that I've met the girl he's dating, and I don't hate her as much as I want to, I know that I can't pursue that. Anyway. Affection. There's been a severe lack of it in my life. I don't much care for public displays of it...I just want someone to cuddle up with at night, to feel the warmth of in my bed. Someone who I actually care about preferably. hmph.

I was beginning to wonder if the spell check on this thing was working. I'm pretty sure I spell a million things wrong despite what I'm pursuing a degree in. However, it wasn't until I spelled "preferably" with the "r" and the "e" switched around like I always do, that I learned that spell check was actually working and perhaps maybe my spelling is actually improving. Orrrrrr maybe that's just wishful thinking. Maybe.