I have no more tonsils.

Tonsils are gone. No more tonsil videos for my fantastic little throat/mouth fetish lovers. Pain isn't as bad as everyone said it would be...at least not yet. Everyone that I know whose had the surgery done in their non-childhood years has said that the first three days are the worst, but really...this is just a bad sore throat. Nothing that I can't deal with. Maybe I have a high pain tolerance. Maybe everyone just made it sound worse than it actually was. Maybe my constant drinking and therefore swallowing really has helped.

The ex-Security Guard and I have plans for this weekend. Again. That'll be the third weekend in a row of getting to spend time with him. I won't lie...I'm head over heels for him. Again. It's been several years since the first time but that was so long ago it seems. Friday night when we were hanging out with his friend, he mentioned that him and his girl had done the whole "break up" dance at work where things seemed to be deteriorating. I won't lie... it made me really happy. After I left Saturday morning, he sent a few texts through-out the day and then we talked until we fell asleep that night. Sunday he sent me a "good luck with surgery" text, and then Monday he texted me to check up on me. Smitten. I am absolutely smitten with him. He's coming over to the new place one night this weekend. I haven't felt this giddy about seeing someone in a while. A few friends of mine asked why I hadn't gone for it before...and I guess that after all the shit went down a couple years back that there wasn't going to be another chance... what I would have given years ago for another chance. I think I'm glad I didn't get one then because I think if I did, none of this would be happening. I'm nervous. I'm excited. I'm anxious. I'm smitten. I have butterflies at the thought of spending more time with him. Maybe this is my chance?

Things otherwise...I think are going fairly well. Wednesday night, I got into a big fight with my Dad...an occurrence that happens more often than I'd like to admit. He left for vacation on Saturday, and then Sunday I got what I assume to be an apology email from him. Maybe apology isn't the best word. I think I'd rather call it a "trying to make sense of what happened" email. My dad and I have never communicated very well, but I think that my novel length long email response was what I really wanted to say, exactly how I wanted to say it. He really hurt my feelings this time. And maybe it was a miscommunication, but his attempt at creating parallels between me and farm workers, well... it isn't going to work out as planned. I've tried for years trying to win over my dad's approval and it took the Beast telling me something I've told several friends about boyfriends or girlfriends for it to actually sink in that all my attempts have been in vain. Nothing will ever be good enough, so why bother trying?

FetishCon in Tampa is less than a month away and I won't lie...I'm fairly nervous. It'll be my first time going and I have no idea what to expect. I've got a couple shoots lined up and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm really trying to tackle more fetishes than what I've been doing but toeing the line between what I'm willing to do and what others want me to do is such a difficult thing, both for private sessions and for the interweb to see. One of my favorite clients bugged me multiple times for our next session to include things I'm so not even comfortable doing be it on film or not. I think I'm getting to a point where people are starting to expect me to get into doing those things and really? I just don't want to...no matter how much money is involved. I do this because it's 1-fun, 2-extra money in my pocket, 3-an amusing way to meet new people. Somewhere underneath all of this naughty exterior, there are some hidden morals under there. I hate having to be mean, but I'm at that point where I am exhausted by people trying to get me to step out of my boundaries. Rules are meant to be broken, not morals.

Oh, so. I'm a redhead again. I think I've found a new color for me :D