Transformation of a Lifestyle-Confessional

When I first began doing all this, I will admit I was in it partially for the money. I was what many will refer to as an "instadomme" "rent a domme" "findom" or whatever term you would like to use to describe girls who get into all of this. It is a brutal realization for myself and for those who have been around long enough to have seen me transform in the two years I've been around. It has been a fun two years...or is it three years now? Oh dear...I seem to have lost track. Whatever. Beside the point. The point is...

I've gone through various levels of participation in the lifestyle and in the modeling/camming aspect of it all, and I have come to realize that this, whatever you would like to call of this, THIS is something that I love to do.

I posted an ad on site for sessions the other day and have been getting replies, and the more replies I get, the giddier and giddier I get about doing them. I love doing my cam work, but there is nothing quite as exhilarating for me as dominating someone. It is fun for me. It turns me on. It turns me on in ways that other things don't. It is a completely different kind of turning me on. I don't even quite know how to describe it.

There are parts of me that would love to do this just for the pure pleasure of it all. And perhaps at some point I will. Right now, I cannot. I'm not in a place in my life where that is a feasible option for me. I'm leaving the country in less than 3 months and I have bills to pay, things I need to buy in preparation for my trip, money to save for my trip in case of emergency while I'm over seas, and whatever else. I don't have a vanilla job that I can afford to live off of 100%. I would love to do this and do it just because I can and because it does something for me that I didn't understand in my not really vanilla sex life before.

Filming videos is completely different than real sessions. While it is easy and fun doing videos, doing solo videos is different than filming with a submissive or having a session. But even still filming with a submissive is different than a session. A session doesn't require pauses for "wait you can't do that for your store" or "the clip is too long" or "wait there's blood" or something like that. A session you don't have to worry about breaking in between clips for chitchat or planning the next clip or moving the video camera/tripod. A session, you can throw yourself into. You can put your heart into it. For that hour or two, nothing outside of that room matters. And that is the most wonderful thing.

FetishCon 2011

Welp, FetishCon 2011 has come and gone and already I am left wanting more, despite my being bruised, broken and sore as fuck.

I arrived late Wednesday, leaving after work. I got to the Main Sail first and hung out with the absolutely BEAUTIFUL Caramel Dreams. That girl is way more beautiful in person than she is in her pictures, let me just tell you that. We didn't get to hang out too long because she had a session and so I headed over to the Hyatt and met up with Chi (@SpaceCitySoles on twitter) and Ken (@KenPlaysGuitar).

Thursday...what the hell did I do Thursday?? I think I did stuff. I hung out with Chrissy Daniels and while we were shooting in the hallway, we managed to be shooting RIGHT outside Dave from Lone Star Damsel's room, which we did not know until Chrissy was topless and the bell hop was bringing up someone's luggage and it turned out to be Dave!! I was SO excited. Chrissy and I ended up doing a Damsel in Distress clip with Dave which was a blast! Dave is one of my FAVORITE producers to shoot with. He's an absolute blast to work with, plus he blows up my ego so it's about 12 times as large as normal. Anyway, after shooting with Dave, I got ready for my shoot with Dr E. Let me tell you a BIT about Dr E and I. I have been hassling him for THREE PLUS YEARS to shoot. Since before I was a model. I saw his work and fell in LOVE with it. And finally, FINALLY, I was like "dude. you are shooting me at fetishcon." and so we did. Aaaaand. I showed up wearing a fake mustache and mickey ears. yea. After shooting with Dr E (with Whitney Morgan playing instigator/escort) was the Meet and Greet. The Meet and Greet was a blast. I finally got to meet Craig from RAO Entertainment, Jason Ninja (@Jasoninja), Roxie Rae, Chanel (@TSSexyChanel), Goddess XTC and a bunch of other folks in person. After the Meet and Greet...well. Silly Sexy Insanity. We'll leave it at that.

Friday was pretty laid back. I got a lot of browsing done on the Con floor, rode a Symbian at the Clips4Sale booth as well as busting Slave Andy there. Friday night I shot with Ken for four hours of insanity, which included the soon to be infamous Epic Tits vs Sugar Tits clip with Whitney Morgan. Let me just say...Boobie Sweat might be my newest favorite term EVER. Not only could I not stop laughing the whole time, but I looked absolutely hilarious in shorts, knee high socks, and a tank top. Ken isn't a published producer..YET. But, let me just tell you that this clip was the most fun clip I have ever filmed. Cat fighting, hair pulling, forced foot worshiping, tickling, spanking, wrestling, grappling, nylons, bondage, name calling, boob smothering, ...you name it, it happened. Afterwards, I about died laughing for at least 20 minutes.

Saturday, I had to be up WAY early for a shoot with Charlee Chase. We shot a bunch of tickling stuff, wrestling, hair washing and SPH/masturbation instruction. So fun!! After that, I harassed Dave and ended up wearing a Riddler costume (as in Batman) for most of the rest of the day, running around manically laughing as I jumped, molested, groped, fondled and poked people with Dave from Lone Star. It was hilarious...exhausting, but hilarious. My legs now hurt like a bitch (I was running on my tippy toes) but the price of beauty and fun was totally worth it.

Sunday, I woke up really early for breakfast with Dave, then shot a few clips with him for my store (tickling and leotard stuff), then walked the floor buying stuff (new Girdlebound piece and new fetish heels!! :D) before shooting with Jason Ninja, Goddess XTC and Whitney Morgan. Finally, headed home and called the whole thing a weekend.

At some point, I kissed everyone I saw while wearing a fake mustache. I flogged some bitches. The valet told me that my mustache was sexy. I met Miss Foot Night 2010 (Shauna Ryanne) and shot with her for SpaceCitySoles with Scarlett Lush and Whitney Morgan. I goofed off, molested a bunch of tits and ass, rubbed my titties on a bunch of people, got eyeball fucked by Captain Jack, had a couple sessions, made some moolah, drank a lot of alcohol, talked to people I haven't seen in ages, and did not get a whole lot of sleep. All in all, it was a most excellent weekend. There was a mustache musical in my room to the tune of Lonely Island's Captain Jack Sparrow (partially inspired I think by Captain Jack walking around molesting boobs).

Sydney's Guide for Subs

Since I've returned to camming practically full time again, I keep getting asked by potential subs how they can serve me as one of my boys or girls. Rather than writing the same thing to each and every single one of them, I have decided to create this little guide of a few requirements to becoming one of my submissives.

Requirements:

1. submitting a full list of your fetishes, fantasies, and desires to me
2. weekly task/assignment completion
3. gifts or monetary tributes on a weekly, bi weekly or monthly basis dependent on income. (see below for info)
4. the promotion of me being your Mistress on social networking sites such as twitter, fetlife, etc
5. trusting and confiding in me with your darkest secrets

In return, what you receive

1. custom clips catered to your fetishes and fantasies
2. promotion of being owned by me on social networking sites
3. frequent communication via facebook, fetlife, email
4. private photos catered to fetishes
5. a true dominatrix--not a web girl who feels domination=humiliation 100% of the time

Gifts and monetary tributes--these are required, HOWEVER I do understand that not everyone can afford a weekly or biweekly tribute. Because of this, I am flexible with amounts and the frequency in which tributes are made.

Because of the restrictions many face by having a Facebook account, I do not require subs to list that they are in a relationship with me.

An alternate form of tributing is available--buying clips from my clips4sale store in order to meet tribute requirements.

For questions, concerns and further information, contact me at Info@sydneybbwqueen.com

Life update (and new heels!)

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

I lost my orgasm...

I wasn't always like this, you know. Once upon a time I actually got enjoyment from the prowling, teasing, and eventually fulfilling my sexual needs. I haven't felt the enjoyment from it in ages. In fact, the exact opposite has happened. The last two lovers I've had turned me off. Ok, so they weren't lovers in the idea that we fucked, made love, sexed, whatever the fuck you want to call it. They were lovers in the idea that we went out on several dates and then had our moments of making out then only to end up in my bed with their faces between my legs and suddenly, it just was not working for me.

I can't figure it out. Now, on two separate occasions, I could not enjoy being pleasured the way I used to be. When did this all change?

It hardly adds up to me. I'm turned on by kissing people, but then when it comes down to other things, I have not yet been turned on lately. Have I gotten pickier about my lovers? Was I just not turned on by these two fairly attractive men? I don't get it.

Is it stress? Boredum? My lack of interest in the male gender lately? My increased interest in females? Where has the pleasure gone?

eep!

I've been debating on what my role within the fetish community will be upon my completion of my college education. It has been a difficult debate because I love the lifestyle, but I resent people who try to get everything for free. I've made so many interesting acquaintances doing what I do as a webcam girl and fetish model, but few of these people are ones I'd want to actually spend time with. The money is a wonderful plus, but the ends does not justify the means anymore. I've been stressed trying to finish school and working this job that pays me well enough that I don't need to webcam anymore, but the truth is, I have fun. I enjoy chatting with people and making some money here and there. But, I'm not longer making enough money to cover the entirety of the rent at my house. There were several months where I was bringing in enough to cover the entire rent, and that hasn't happened since October. I know I've been slacking pretty hardcore. I haven't done live chats in ages, and that's always been my biggest money maker.

I didn't book a room at FetishCon yet because I just don't know where my life will be then. By then, I'll have gotten another promotion and will be making at least double what I'm making now annually. I've been considering switching to the strictly producer side of things and giving up as a webcam girl. From what I hear from friends who do it, the money is better and it wouldn't hurt to have extra money on the side to do something fun like take a 2 week long adventure touring Germany or Italy or somewhere in South America.

So yes. My higher education is almost done. This semester ends May 2nd, and then my 6 weeks of hell starts May 16th or 18th. I'll be taking my last two classes over a six week period of what will surely be hell. Four nights of class a week, three hours a night. GAH. There is no way I'm having a social life in May and June.

I'm in a bit of a pickle currently. I have a crush on someone who I'm business partnered up with on a contractual basis. Like, written contract business partner. Do you know how difficult this is?! More importantly, do you know how annoying it is?! ughhhh

I lied.

I lied. I couldn't stay away. I'm back. Excitement and adventure to follow.