BBW Shootout!

I have been crazy busy with shooting, camming and life in generally lately. If you haven't stopped by any of my stores, you really should check them out, but not until after you check out these foxy ladies I'm shooting with this weekend! As you know, I love having big shoot outs with my girl friends, and this weekend I get the awesome pleasure of having another one!! One of the things I love about shooting with a bunch of girls at once, is everyone brings new ideas to the table. We all get to laugh, have fun, and shoot videos so that we can continue entertaining our customers and fans, like you!


You all KNOW I cannot get enough of my girl Whitney Morgan, so you know you can keep your eyes open for her sexy, petite blond ass for some new clips from this weekend. I'm thinking she needs a good groping. Don't you agree?

You may have seen me with the lovely Darling Rikki before, and so I'm sure you'll be super excited to see us again! Check out this sexy picture of Rikki from XLgirls.com!

Miss Mimi Melons is one girl who I don't get to see nearly enough of. I miss her like crazy and can't wait to get her SSBBW body in a few clips again!!

Now, I am SUPER excited to get this gorgeous SS-BBW Anastasia Vanderbust in front of my camera with me!! It will be my first time filming with her, and let me tell you... this girl is sexy!! Be sure to check out a preview of what this girl can do on PlumperPass.com!

Another lovely lady I get to shoot with this weekend is the blond BBW, miss Curvy Chrissy! I caught a glimpse of her sexy ass one night at a party and HOT DAMN! I cannot wait to shoot with her!! Chrissy can also be seen on PlumperPass.com

So what do you think? Are you as excited as I am to see these beautiful ladies on my stores? Can't wait? Go check out my foot fetish, fetish and femdom or my solo and girl-girl  stores now!! Remember, if you'd like to order a custom clip, please check out my site now for more info on custom photo sets/videos, photo shoots and sessions!

XOXOX

JimmyJane's Form 2-Product Review

A couple weeks ago I played around with JimmyJane's Form 2 at a toy shop in Philadelphia. The quiet, cute toy felt amazing in my hands and I knew I wanted one. Fast forward to last night, I was at Fairvilla's Shades of Grey party and was reintroduced to the Form 2. A friend of mine was in attendance who owed me for helping him out with some editing, so rather than him paying me cash, I asked if he'd instead spend the money buying me a new toy. He did, and now I'm the very proud owner of a Form 2. A few friends have asked for my review of the toy, so here you go:

First Glance:
The toy is designed to be the "ears only" of a traditional Rabbit vibrator. The box gives basic information, which is nice, but to really understand why you'd possibly want this toy, you need to pick it up and put your fingers between the ears. The toy is definitely cute, but it also isn't a discreet toy: anyone that sees the shape knows what it's for.

In The Box:
The Form 2 comes with a small docking/charging station and a user's manual written in 6 different languages.

Product Details:
The Form 2 has 5 different power levels, with 4 vibration modes.
Charging time: 2 hours.
Usage time: 7+ hours according to the booklet (I've only had it for less than 24 hours, 10 of which I was asleep for, 4 of which I wasn't home for. So, needless to say, I haven't worn down the battery yet).
Rechargeable lithium polymer battery.
Size: approx. 1.9" wide x 3.2" tall
Silicon Body (use water based lube) and stainless steel
Waterproof, washable and bath friendly (I've only tested the waterproof claim at this point)
Available in Pink and Slate Grey

Juicy Details:
So far, I've taken the Form 2 out for a ride twice. Initially, the power levels didn't seem to have much differentiation between them when going past the 2nd power level other than noise level. The product is quiet, but you can hear the difference in power levels (and it may attract your cats to pounce on your hand...).  My problem with the noise is mine makes a quiet squeal that I'm not sure whether or not it's supposed to happen or not.

The four vibration modes are awesome. When you first turn it on, you've got the basic non-plusating vibrations. This mode is great. Even at the vibe's most powerful setting, it doesn't feel like it's going to burn your clit off with power (don't take that to mean it isn't powerful though). The second vibration mode feels like the vibrations are rolling up and down the ears. I was pleasantly surprised at how great it felt. The third vibration mode is possibly my favorite--it fluctuates between little power to a lot of power very quickly. I'm not sure the proper word for how to describe that mode, other than awesome. The fourth and final vibration mode is a pulsation mode. It is definitely my least favorite. My body wants to love it, but that setting alone didn't do for me what I was hoping.

The Form 2 is not your Hitachi, and that is something I had to remind myself when I first turned it on. I won't lie, my playtime sessions have been a bit of "wam, bam, thank you ma'm" sessions lately. This toy is not for that. You have to give yourself time to enjoy it, as you should be doing anyway. Think of your Hitachi as a quickie, rough lover, and the Form 2 as a more slow, sensual lover; both are great lovers, but the go about getting you to orgasm in very different ways.  Give yourself time to enjoy the toy, and expect your first time to be a somewhat awkward experience of learning what you like and don't like.

Other Notes:
I'd be curious to play with a partner using this, both having it used coming at a different angle and during oral play.

At the recommendation of one of the other toy reps in attendance at the show, I tried it out with Wet Synergy basic + cool tingle. I've never used lube with a clit only toy, but this combo was amazing. The lube has a peppermint feel and smell to it, which adds a cool, sweeping sensation. Wet Synergy is a water and silicone hybrid lubricant, making it safe to use on multiple surfaces. It's also available with a warming sensation, but if you're not a fan of the "Fire" part of Trojan's Fire and Ice Condoms, you might not enjoy it. Personally, I'm a huge fan of cooling sensations on my lady bits. You can get a free trial of Wet Synergy from their website.

Pros:
Small, cute, quiet, waterproof, 3 year limited warranty, when you turn it off it remembers which vibe mode it was left set on

Cons:
squealing noise when running, power levels 2-5 don't provide a huge range in power

Cost:
$145 ordered directly from JimmyJane

Overall:
I love it. I had planned on getting one myself, but having a friend buy it for me was extra awesome. The price is a bit up there if you're not used to buying quality toys, but it comes with a 3 year warranty and apparently JimmyJane is pretty good about switching it out if there's a problem with the toy (a friend of mine got one and didn't like it, so she exchanged it for a different Form toy). I highly recommend it to anyone who is looking for a sensual toy with no penetration.

Spanking!

It's been a while since I remembered to blog. I've been so busy. I ended up not moving to Thailand, and so here I am in my own place still in Florida. It's not such a bad thing though. Bangkok is flooded, and it's not an ideal time to be there. I moved into my own place and have been adjusting to the change. Luckily, I've had a little bit of time to do some filming!

I celebrated my birthday a little bit late by abusing a new submissive slave. It was quite fun! I love when they come to me, young and corruptible. To buy the video, please visit www.sydneybbwqueen.com

I also got the pleasure of shooting with MMP studios last weekend. It was a fairly simple custom, but it was a blast. I got to work on my SCUBA skills and pretend to drown!

Hm. What else has been going on? I'm sure there's stuff, but whatevers. I don't particularly care to update more right now. Sorry!

Updates!

Since I'm awake, I may as well update you on the fantastic updates going on at the world of Sydney Screams!

On Sydney's Perfect Sole, watch as Jasoninja of Brattyfootgirls.com is forced to worship the feet of Miss Whitney Morgan, Caramel Vixen and Sydney Screams. This video is one from while I was up in Philly with Whitney. Let me just say how much fun I had on the trip. Caramel was a blast to hustle with, and it really inspired me to hustle even harder. Jasoninja was an amazing host and one of the most professional producers I've ever had the pleasure of working with.

Then, on Sydney's Mouth Fetish, we have a new update that is a bit different for my lipstick/mouth/tongue lovers. Generally I don't mix fetishes there, but I decided to try it out

and did my first lipstick fetish with JOI countdown. What's special about this clip is that not only does it add JOI and countdown, it also has me blending TWO very sexy shades of red together. One is MAC Media and the other is a Revlon red gloss, that mixed together create the perfect red to make you weak at the knees and hard where it counts. Because I loved the color combination so much, I also shot a small set of accompanying photos that can be found at the images4sale store.

On Mistress Sydney Screams, there are a number of exciting updates! In the most recent clip, I give you jerk off instructions to cum twice in just over 5 minutes. Can you do it? I spank Catherine Foxx's adorable ass, and smother Jasoninja with my big fat ass!

So, now that I'm not running off to Thailand as planned, I have some exciting plans for the next few months. I'll be shooting a lot of content and hopefully will be collaborating a lot more with more local producers on a much more regular basis. I also will be traveling once a month both in Florida and on a national level. I'm trying to make it to Dallas after the New Year, perhaps with Whitney Morgan for a long weekend to shoot with Lone Star Damsels and some other awesome folks. Then, I'd like to return up to Philly after winter since I had such a great time there before, and perhaps back here to LA in the spring (oh, did I mention I'm in Los Angeles right now? No? Oh. well. Hello West Coast!). I'd ideally like to make it out to Las Vegas, Chicago, Atlanta and NYC sometime in the next year as well, and of course I'll now be able to make it back out to FetishCon! Woot woot!! As always, if you want to shoot me and I'm not in your city, the best way to get me there is to pay my way there! Southwest and Airtran are super cheap and if you pay for my travel expenses, I work free to pay off the cost! Example, if you pay my airfare of $250 roundtrip to New Orleans/Dallas/Atlanta, I will work 3 hours for free!

That's all for now folks. xoxox

Help Miss Whitney Morgan!

My close friend and awesome fetish model partner in crime, Miss Whitney Morgan, got into a HUGE car wreck this week and needs help. As almost always during this time of year, it was raining and she was driving home from a shoot when her car hit another one, then the car behind her which was tailgating her in turn hit her, forcing her car to go spinning and all sorts of not fun things. Thankfully Whitney is alive with no broken bones BUT she's the one being held at fault even though she was sandwiched in the middle. On top of which, she did get hurt and her car was totaled. So, she needs your help! And since she is one of my closest friends, this is my call to action to get you to help her out.

Please visit one of her four clips4sale stores to buy a few clips, or email her directly at Whitney@MissWhitneyMorgan.com to find out how you can help by sending money, buying custom clips, booking shoots, or buying some of her socks/panties/fetishwear.

Miss Whitney Morgan's Clips - a wide variety of fetishes, including lipstick, burping, sneezing, forced orgasm, masturbation instruction, and more!

Domme-Nation - Domination, Humiliation, Forced orgasms, etc

Bound and Blonde - Damsel in distress, bondage, bound tickling, etc

Better in Pairs - foot fetish, domination, humiliation, dirty feet, etc

Go help my girl out!!

Travel Notice! Philly Sept 1st-5th

I am *so* super excited!! This weekend I am making my way up to the NE for the first time as a model!! I haven't been up to Philly...ever, and already I'm booked like crazy with some of my favorite folks who I spent time with at FetishCon. I'm really excited because I'm traveling with my bestie and partner in fetish crime, Miss Whitney Morgan. We've got some awesome shoots set up with some awesome folks!!

Miss Whitney Morgan

Caramel Vixen

Tickle Cuties

Bratty Foot Girls

On top of shooting with these awesome folks, Whitney Morgan and I are featured models at Friday's Foot Party!

I am available for private sessions on a first paid, first come basis with deposits required ahead of time to hold slots. Foot fetish, domination, humiliation, bondage, tickling, smothering, corporal punishment and more!! Email me for rates and availability. NOTHING illegal. NO escort services. Payment for time and companionship only. sydney@sydneybbwqueen.com for info :)

Super excited! Yay!

My opinion on penis and their physical attractiveness

One of my biggest pet peeves is people sending me pictures of their man junk without me asking them to do so. If you a man and you are reading this, I do not ever want to see a picture of you junk unless I specifically ask for a picture of your junk. Why? Because I, Sydney Screams, do not find the male anatomy to be attractive from the mid-thigh up to the belly button. I find the penis (cock, dick, man-junk, whatever you'd like to call it) to be extremely unattractive. I do not like to look at pictures of it. I do not like it in my face. I do not like to see it from a distance. I do not like to see it up close. I do not, under any circumstance, like to look at penis. I know this comes as a shock to many folks who have read my blog or know me personally and how insatiable my sex drive is, however the fact of the matter is that I do not like looking at the penis.

I find men to be attractive, and I am very sexually attracted to men. I have slept with more men than women. However, I do not like looking their penises. Out of all the male lovers that I have had, only one of them has had what I would refer to as "the perfect penis" and even that was only marginally less ugly than the rest.

See, here's the thing. Everyone has their own opinion of what is attractive. I get that. I find vagina to be VERY beautiful, even though I know people who find it to be disgusting to look at. I know women who find penises to be beautiful. I am just not one of those women. I don't like it when these idiots feel the need to argue with me on the attractiveness of their penis. My opinion is not going to change. I don't need a picture of your goddamn penis to know that it is not attractive to me. Your penis is not ever going to be attractive to me. Ever. You could wrap a bow on it, put lipstick on it, coat it in chocolate, or paint it blue and it would still not be pretty to me.

Yes, I have strap-ons/dildos. My strap-ons aren't used on me. My personal toys that I use for my pleasure aren't realistic looking at ALL. In fact, most men see my toy collection and are like "um, why do you sleep with men when you have THAT?" It isn't that I don't *like* having sex with men. It is that I just don't like *looking* at penis, and that I have no respect for the idiots who try to argue that MY opinion is wrong. It is MY opinion. If you think your penis is beautiful, more power to you, but don't come to me begging for justification because you are barking up the wrong tree.

Transformation of a Lifestyle-Confessional

When I first began doing all this, I will admit I was in it partially for the money. I was what many will refer to as an "instadomme" "rent a domme" "findom" or whatever term you would like to use to describe girls who get into all of this. It is a brutal realization for myself and for those who have been around long enough to have seen me transform in the two years I've been around. It has been a fun two years...or is it three years now? Oh dear...I seem to have lost track. Whatever. Beside the point. The point is...

I've gone through various levels of participation in the lifestyle and in the modeling/camming aspect of it all, and I have come to realize that this, whatever you would like to call of this, THIS is something that I love to do.

I posted an ad on site for sessions the other day and have been getting replies, and the more replies I get, the giddier and giddier I get about doing them. I love doing my cam work, but there is nothing quite as exhilarating for me as dominating someone. It is fun for me. It turns me on. It turns me on in ways that other things don't. It is a completely different kind of turning me on. I don't even quite know how to describe it.

There are parts of me that would love to do this just for the pure pleasure of it all. And perhaps at some point I will. Right now, I cannot. I'm not in a place in my life where that is a feasible option for me. I'm leaving the country in less than 3 months and I have bills to pay, things I need to buy in preparation for my trip, money to save for my trip in case of emergency while I'm over seas, and whatever else. I don't have a vanilla job that I can afford to live off of 100%. I would love to do this and do it just because I can and because it does something for me that I didn't understand in my not really vanilla sex life before.

Filming videos is completely different than real sessions. While it is easy and fun doing videos, doing solo videos is different than filming with a submissive or having a session. But even still filming with a submissive is different than a session. A session doesn't require pauses for "wait you can't do that for your store" or "the clip is too long" or "wait there's blood" or something like that. A session you don't have to worry about breaking in between clips for chitchat or planning the next clip or moving the video camera/tripod. A session, you can throw yourself into. You can put your heart into it. For that hour or two, nothing outside of that room matters. And that is the most wonderful thing.

FetishCon 2011

Welp, FetishCon 2011 has come and gone and already I am left wanting more, despite my being bruised, broken and sore as fuck.

I arrived late Wednesday, leaving after work. I got to the Main Sail first and hung out with the absolutely BEAUTIFUL Caramel Dreams. That girl is way more beautiful in person than she is in her pictures, let me just tell you that. We didn't get to hang out too long because she had a session and so I headed over to the Hyatt and met up with Chi (@SpaceCitySoles on twitter) and Ken (@KenPlaysGuitar).

Thursday...what the hell did I do Thursday?? I think I did stuff. I hung out with Chrissy Daniels and while we were shooting in the hallway, we managed to be shooting RIGHT outside Dave from Lone Star Damsel's room, which we did not know until Chrissy was topless and the bell hop was bringing up someone's luggage and it turned out to be Dave!! I was SO excited. Chrissy and I ended up doing a Damsel in Distress clip with Dave which was a blast! Dave is one of my FAVORITE producers to shoot with. He's an absolute blast to work with, plus he blows up my ego so it's about 12 times as large as normal. Anyway, after shooting with Dave, I got ready for my shoot with Dr E. Let me tell you a BIT about Dr E and I. I have been hassling him for THREE PLUS YEARS to shoot. Since before I was a model. I saw his work and fell in LOVE with it. And finally, FINALLY, I was like "dude. you are shooting me at fetishcon." and so we did. Aaaaand. I showed up wearing a fake mustache and mickey ears. yea. After shooting with Dr E (with Whitney Morgan playing instigator/escort) was the Meet and Greet. The Meet and Greet was a blast. I finally got to meet Craig from RAO Entertainment, Jason Ninja (@Jasoninja), Roxie Rae, Chanel (@TSSexyChanel), Goddess XTC and a bunch of other folks in person. After the Meet and Greet...well. Silly Sexy Insanity. We'll leave it at that.

Friday was pretty laid back. I got a lot of browsing done on the Con floor, rode a Symbian at the Clips4Sale booth as well as busting Slave Andy there. Friday night I shot with Ken for four hours of insanity, which included the soon to be infamous Epic Tits vs Sugar Tits clip with Whitney Morgan. Let me just say...Boobie Sweat might be my newest favorite term EVER. Not only could I not stop laughing the whole time, but I looked absolutely hilarious in shorts, knee high socks, and a tank top. Ken isn't a published producer..YET. But, let me just tell you that this clip was the most fun clip I have ever filmed. Cat fighting, hair pulling, forced foot worshiping, tickling, spanking, wrestling, grappling, nylons, bondage, name calling, boob smothering, ...you name it, it happened. Afterwards, I about died laughing for at least 20 minutes.

Saturday, I had to be up WAY early for a shoot with Charlee Chase. We shot a bunch of tickling stuff, wrestling, hair washing and SPH/masturbation instruction. So fun!! After that, I harassed Dave and ended up wearing a Riddler costume (as in Batman) for most of the rest of the day, running around manically laughing as I jumped, molested, groped, fondled and poked people with Dave from Lone Star. It was hilarious...exhausting, but hilarious. My legs now hurt like a bitch (I was running on my tippy toes) but the price of beauty and fun was totally worth it.

Sunday, I woke up really early for breakfast with Dave, then shot a few clips with him for my store (tickling and leotard stuff), then walked the floor buying stuff (new Girdlebound piece and new fetish heels!! :D) before shooting with Jason Ninja, Goddess XTC and Whitney Morgan. Finally, headed home and called the whole thing a weekend.

At some point, I kissed everyone I saw while wearing a fake mustache. I flogged some bitches. The valet told me that my mustache was sexy. I met Miss Foot Night 2010 (Shauna Ryanne) and shot with her for SpaceCitySoles with Scarlett Lush and Whitney Morgan. I goofed off, molested a bunch of tits and ass, rubbed my titties on a bunch of people, got eyeball fucked by Captain Jack, had a couple sessions, made some moolah, drank a lot of alcohol, talked to people I haven't seen in ages, and did not get a whole lot of sleep. All in all, it was a most excellent weekend. There was a mustache musical in my room to the tune of Lonely Island's Captain Jack Sparrow (partially inspired I think by Captain Jack walking around molesting boobs).

Sydney's Guide for Subs

Since I've returned to camming practically full time again, I keep getting asked by potential subs how they can serve me as one of my boys or girls. Rather than writing the same thing to each and every single one of them, I have decided to create this little guide of a few requirements to becoming one of my submissives.

Requirements:

1. submitting a full list of your fetishes, fantasies, and desires to me
2. weekly task/assignment completion
3. gifts or monetary tributes on a weekly, bi weekly or monthly basis dependent on income. (see below for info)
4. the promotion of me being your Mistress on social networking sites such as twitter, fetlife, etc
5. trusting and confiding in me with your darkest secrets

In return, what you receive

1. custom clips catered to your fetishes and fantasies
2. promotion of being owned by me on social networking sites
3. frequent communication via facebook, fetlife, email
4. private photos catered to fetishes
5. a true dominatrix--not a web girl who feels domination=humiliation 100% of the time

Gifts and monetary tributes--these are required, HOWEVER I do understand that not everyone can afford a weekly or biweekly tribute. Because of this, I am flexible with amounts and the frequency in which tributes are made.

Because of the restrictions many face by having a Facebook account, I do not require subs to list that they are in a relationship with me.

An alternate form of tributing is available--buying clips from my clips4sale store in order to meet tribute requirements.

For questions, concerns and further information, contact me at Info@sydneybbwqueen.com

Life update (and new heels!)

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I lost my orgasm...

I wasn't always like this, you know. Once upon a time I actually got enjoyment from the prowling, teasing, and eventually fulfilling my sexual needs. I haven't felt the enjoyment from it in ages. In fact, the exact opposite has happened. The last two lovers I've had turned me off. Ok, so they weren't lovers in the idea that we fucked, made love, sexed, whatever the fuck you want to call it. They were lovers in the idea that we went out on several dates and then had our moments of making out then only to end up in my bed with their faces between my legs and suddenly, it just was not working for me.

I can't figure it out. Now, on two separate occasions, I could not enjoy being pleasured the way I used to be. When did this all change?

It hardly adds up to me. I'm turned on by kissing people, but then when it comes down to other things, I have not yet been turned on lately. Have I gotten pickier about my lovers? Was I just not turned on by these two fairly attractive men? I don't get it.

Is it stress? Boredum? My lack of interest in the male gender lately? My increased interest in females? Where has the pleasure gone?

eep!

I've been debating on what my role within the fetish community will be upon my completion of my college education. It has been a difficult debate because I love the lifestyle, but I resent people who try to get everything for free. I've made so many interesting acquaintances doing what I do as a webcam girl and fetish model, but few of these people are ones I'd want to actually spend time with. The money is a wonderful plus, but the ends does not justify the means anymore. I've been stressed trying to finish school and working this job that pays me well enough that I don't need to webcam anymore, but the truth is, I have fun. I enjoy chatting with people and making some money here and there. But, I'm not longer making enough money to cover the entirety of the rent at my house. There were several months where I was bringing in enough to cover the entire rent, and that hasn't happened since October. I know I've been slacking pretty hardcore. I haven't done live chats in ages, and that's always been my biggest money maker.

I didn't book a room at FetishCon yet because I just don't know where my life will be then. By then, I'll have gotten another promotion and will be making at least double what I'm making now annually. I've been considering switching to the strictly producer side of things and giving up as a webcam girl. From what I hear from friends who do it, the money is better and it wouldn't hurt to have extra money on the side to do something fun like take a 2 week long adventure touring Germany or Italy or somewhere in South America.

So yes. My higher education is almost done. This semester ends May 2nd, and then my 6 weeks of hell starts May 16th or 18th. I'll be taking my last two classes over a six week period of what will surely be hell. Four nights of class a week, three hours a night. GAH. There is no way I'm having a social life in May and June.

I'm in a bit of a pickle currently. I have a crush on someone who I'm business partnered up with on a contractual basis. Like, written contract business partner. Do you know how difficult this is?! More importantly, do you know how annoying it is?! ughhhh

I lied.

I lied. I couldn't stay away. I'm back. Excitement and adventure to follow.

This is goodbye.

This shall be my last entry. Those of you who know me well enough will know how to find me, and those of you who do not...well, maybe you'll figure out a way to find me.

It's been a fun year. But when the ends doesn't justify the means, and you have no time, energy or patience anymore, it's time to say goodbye and move on.

So that's what I'm doing here.

Thank you to those of you who have encouraged and supported me. I wish all of you the best of luck in whatever you do.

xoxox

Sydney

a letter...

I'm going to write you a letter because I don't want to send you 12billion text messages. And because I wouldn't actually send even just one text message. But, I lied. I'm going to tell a short story first. And by short story, I mean it probably won't be that short.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who became friends with a boy. He didn't exactly live close to the girl, but talking almost daily, the girl began to consider him a close friend despite the occasional disagreements between the two of them. The girl always made sure to answer his texts and trusted in him frequently. The girl made the mistake that so many girls have made before her and so many will make after her. She assumed the boy knew her. She assumed that he knew her better than "that". Girl was wrong. Girl said she didn't like something about an outfit boy sent her one day and boy got upset. Girl at first was like "whatever." But then, girl got to thinking of it. Girl was offended that he assumed she was as superficial as to care what boy was wearing.

(I'll switch to letter format now... enough of this girl and boy crapola)

How can you think I'm that superficial as to give a fuck what you wear?? I don't care what you wear. I don't care what any of the men or women in my life wear. I want people to be happy with who they are. And if dressing a certain way makes someone happy, who the hell am I to judge that?? Lovers, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends can wear whatever they want. I can't believe that you're going to not talk to me for over 2 weeks now because I didn't like your shorts. Really? While I'm flattered that apparently my opinion counts for something, I can't believe you'd really think that I would have a problem with your shorts. I don't like khakis. Who cares? The ex-security guard has worn khakis for YEARS and I still adore him. I just don't like them. Kind of like I don't like certain shapes of sunglasses, or bubble skirts, or vests. Do my friends wear those things? yes, they do. And they're still some of my best friends. Still my lovers. Still people who I care about.

I think what I hate most is that I actually miss talking to you but I feel so shamed that anyone could think that about me that I won't text you. I won't call you. I'll write because that's what I do. I'll get my frustrations out without saying a word directly to you. It hurt to think that I could possibly be so superficial, because if someone knows me so well, they can't be that wrong, can they? What did I do to be viewed as such? At one point, I cared what people wore, I cared what I wore, and you know what? I was miserable. I hated myself. I hated the people around me. I'm not that girl anymore. I haven't been her for years. You didn't know me then. Apparently you don't know me now. I'd rather surround myself with free spirits and people who think they're beautiful no matter what they wear, because that's where I am in my life. I don't care what you or anyone else thinks of my style (or often times, lack there of), because I don't care what your style is. Yea, there are things I don't like. But that just means I don't buy them or wear them. It's petty.

It's like all those months were for nothing. You want to know what a relationship (whether romantically or platonically) feels like? How about how one ends? That's the most memorable part. Someone always ends up hurt.

Not all that glitters is gold.

grumble grumble

Apparently people don't understand the line between friend and boyfriend. Let me define. Friend=someone whom I do not have romantic/sexual feelings towards, or if I do, we aren't on "that page" in our friendship. Boyfriend=ball & chain.

You sir, are not my boyfriend. Therefore sir, you do not have the right to act as if you are my protector when I'm in the club dancing with cute boys. You may not put your arms around my waist and kiss me. You may not act like you own me (even if you WERE my boyfriend, still unacceptable). You may not get upset when I leave the club with another guy. You are a friend. You aren't even a lover! You never have been and the way you're acting, you never will be. This is not high school. I'm working on year 5 since high school ended, so let's remember how far in the past that was and act accordingly, ok? thanks.

your friend,

Sydney

sex sex sex

I get paid to talk about sex. When I say I don't want to talk about sex, it'd be super awesome and cool if you'd respect that. Don't get me wrong, I love sex. But dude. I'm tired of talking about it!

"I love you" "stop lying to me" "what are you talking about"

I have absolutely no problem with being a booty call with the travel agent. No problem. Except when he feels the need to say "I love you" over and over again. Last night really takes the cake though. I was out at a couple parties that were next door to one another drinking and partying and enjoying boobs and boys, and having Jersey Shore want to be boys trying to pick me up (very unsuccessfully). I got home, had a very heart to heart conversation with the roommie, and laid down to sleep. At some point in the night, I had texted some folks "I'll give you a $1 and a BJ if you come pick me up so I don't have to drive while drunk..." anyway. The travel agent got that...several hours later. So he called me. And we had a weird 45 minute phone conversation. I wouldn't put him at the most intelligent person I know but he's definitely not the most unintelligent guy I've been with either. But, last night's phone conversation was weird. Really fucking weird. Anyway, it ended with me pulling into his driveway. The sex was... great the first time. Except he kept saying "I love you" and I kept saying to shut up and stop lying. The second time he called me his ex girlfriend of 7 years name.

The weird part is... I texted him today asked what the hell was up about him saying he loves me and calling me his ex's name and he didn't remember ANY of it. His exact words were "well, that at least starts to explain why I woke up naked..." I though I was drunk last night but holy hell. I at least remember everything. oh, I have to change his nickname. He's now the ex-travel agent. He got fired or quit or something. I don't particularly care.

Monday night I had actually gone out dancing with the roommate and a model friend, and we were at the club when the ex-travel agent texted me asking if I was at a specific club (I guess he facebook stalked me or something) and then said he was coming out. So. He showed up. I spent the first half hour ignoring him and drinking my free drinks and having my picture taken by the club photographer with the roommie and model. At some point, the ex-travel agent and I hit the dance floor, where I spent a good amount of time dancing and flirting with other guys. And then, come midnight, I left him standing on the dancefloor. Had a booty call meeting me at my house.

After the initial reconnection with him, I was worried that there would be this overwhelming desire for him. However, there isn't one. I don't want there to be one. I've realized recently that I have no desire for romance or a serious relationship. I don't have the time or energy or patience. I just straight up don't care. One of my guy friends was all "you're going to fall for him" and you know what? I knew the Monday after the ex-travel agent called that I wouldn't. Yes, I like him but no I don't like him in a way that I want to spend a good amount of time with him.

Anyway. I'm sick. You'd think that after having my tonsils removed that my throat wouldn't be killing me but no. It hurts. And I'm coughing like crazy. blah.

I wish you would have put yourself in my suitcase

I love fucking with people ;)