:(

The ex-security guard has maybe a couple weeks left at his job in town before the company shuts down the office here. He's been applying for jobs. None of which are in Orlando. I'm a mixture of heartbroken and jealous. I'd kill to get out of this city. I'm so envious. I'm so going to miss him. I know I went over a year without talking to him while I was with the younger guy but... I don't know. These past few weeks being with him....I've been so fucking happy, even when I didn't think that I had a chance with him because he was dating someone else (they stopped seeing each other just for the record). I have so much fun with him. I connect with him, even more than I did with the travel agent (who I deleted from my life). I don't connect that well with many people. But we've connected really well for YEARS. Since we both worked at the department store together. years.

Anyway. I guess that means I'm back to dating new folks. I haven't gone on a first date in a while. I'm...nervous. eep. Well, I went on one last night. That's another story though because it'll completely disregard everything I just said about how sad I am about the ex-security guard. So. uh. shhhhhhhh. I drank a bottle of wine before hand last night so if that's any indication of nervousness, well...yea. I don't know if I actually want to be dating again though. I was SO comfortable and happy where I was with the ex-security guard. Things have been going so well with us. And he hasn't applied for any jobs in the state. At all. None. He said if one pops up, he may take it, but he isn't actively looking. Gah. I feel so selfish for wanting nothing good to come of his applying. Blah.

I'm going to go. All that is going to come from me tonight is bitching. bleh.