it's all about the little things

Back in February I went on what I'm going to refer to as a semi-date with this guy whom I met of a dating website. I'm sticking with semi-date because we went to a gallery show that I had artwork featured in and was also modeling in one of the nights of the event, and through out the entire night, we could barely walk 15 feet without running into people I know. You could say I'm a little popular around town I suppose. Anyway, Semi-Date guy and I have been talking pretty much ever since. I suppose that sometimes I fall off the face of the earth for a few days and what not but I do that with basically everyone in my life. It's a natural cycle for me.

Tonight Semi-Date guy called me and told me he was calling just because he enjoys talking with me. Not going to lie, I went from being kind of "bleh" with the night to having a huge grin on my face. For some reason which I have yet to figure out, Semi-Date guy has stuck around since our semi-date back in February, and even though I'm absolutely insane (and he seems to get the bad side of my insanity), he keeps talking to me...almost every day.

Now. You're probably wondering why the fuck I'm bothering to share, but there is a purpose here...even if only for my own sanity of writing it.

I don't particularly believe in fairy tale endings. Something has to happen after that fairy tale kiss rather than just "happily ever after." Talking on the phone with Semi-Date guy made me realize part of why I've always been so hesitant with relationships and so against the idea of ever getting married. My realization is this: People spend so much time wanting to make each other happy that they don't learn or know how to handle arguments, and so instead, they let the anger build up and forget the idea of forgiving. I want someone I can argue with. I want someone who I can have fun with. I want someone who can make me laugh or cry. Life isn't perfect, for anybody, and so why on earth I've been expecting my love life to be some sort of perfection is beyond reasoning.

There's a line in an episode of Sex and the City where Carrie says "I just want someone to stand still with" and you know what? That's all I want. I don't want perfection or ideals. I want conversation, and whether it leads to happy endings or arguments doesn't even matter. I want someone who calls me just to talk to me even after arguing and annoying the hell out of me. I want someone to stand still with. It's the little things in life like that...they make a whole world of difference.

And with that... I'm going to bed.